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The Simple/Real Friend Test - I Believe/I've Learned Chain Letters

From: somebody who needs it knocked into their head that sending chain letters is not real friendship!
To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:;>
Subject: Fw: Real Friend Test
 
-Clue: Friends don't "test" each other, please stop buying into this garbage; quit passing it on and I don't mean just to me, I mean, stop sending fake friendship chains! Stop posting and sending chain letters to friends, on social networks, web forums, blogs, just stop replicating them anywhere, period! You'll make a lot of people happy!
 
  REAL FRIEND TEST !
  
-If you were a "real" friend you'd know better than to send this crud!
 
  A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himse lf (and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!)
 
*Cut rest of fluffy "simple friend VS. true friend" sayings.*
 
-Please people, I've gotten this preachy "simple friend vs real/true friend" chain letter forward in my inbox from so many suckers for this sap, so many times over the years, and I'm not impressed by it!
 
now it's turning up like a roach infestation on social networks and people's blogs for heaven's sake!
 
-What's with these people sending and posting this junk repeatedly!? Do they really feel so inept as friends that they must pass this on and hope their friends will think of them as friends? Or do they really think so little of their friends that they feel their friends are in serious need of being preached at by pieces of spam telling them how to be friends!? Do they really think they are increasing the value of their blogs and social network sites by posting this junk?
 
-Let's scrap the pstale fluffy spam that millions of people are passing on to their mostest very truest bestest "friends" and cut to the chase.
 
-A simple friend
-passes on chain letters and posts them to their sites out of obligation or because they actually believe in or like them.
 
-A real friend
-sends you notes and posts content to the web they actually write! what a concept.
 
-A simple friend
Continues passing on forwards, believing they will give good luck and friendship
 
A real friend
-knows that chain letter forwards are no substitute for friendship.
 
-A simple friend
-Refuses to see the damage being done to friendship by repeatedly sending chain letter forwards.
 
-A real friend
Knows better than to insult their friend's character and intelligence so won't send "friendship" chain letters telling them how to be a friend.
 
-A simple friend
-Believes that the more copies of a friendship chain you get back determines the number of friends you have.
 
-A real friend
-knows better.
 
-A simple friend
-Believes spamming his/her contacts with chain letter forwards is true friendship.
 
-A real friend
-knows better.
 
-A simple friend
-Believes every chain letter email or post is more valuable than their own personally written notes.
 
-A real friend
-refuses to settle for so-called "friendship" chain letter spam and does not expect his/her friends to either.
 
-And while we're at it, let's tackle the "I've Learned" and "I Believe" chain letters as well. They're full of similar sayings that I've received as many times from as many people who all thought they were sending me something absolutely fantastic!
 
To start with, they are not from Andy Rooney.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/learned.asp
 
Here is a set of my own.
 
-I've learned
-That chain letters are destroying the art of communication on the internet and they are as impersonal as a canned voice mail message or TV commercial.
 
-I've learned
-That people are suckered on a massive scale by chain letters and it seems to be an addiction to them.
 
-I've learned
-That people are hypocrites when they send preachy forwards about what friendship is and that's the only time I ever hear from them!
 
-I believe
-That to get friendship you must be a friend, and to be a friend you must send your own personally written notes, not chain letters that judge your character based on how many people you spam and how many copies you get back.
 
-I believe
-That mentioning God in a chain letter that "tests" your friendship or tells you you'll get good luck and friends if you forward it far and wide and if you don't you're a loser with no friends and you're not a Christian and God will be ashamed of you is profane!
 
-I believe
-That no one should suffer the indignity of receiving chain letters that insult their intelligence, character, and make fools of the people who pass them on in the first place.
 
-The so-called "friend test" chain letter and others like it sometimes contain this line:
 
Pass this on to anyone you care a bout......if you get it back you have no beginning, no end.
 
-No end to the copies of the same chain mail clogging the net if everyone is idiot enough to actually follow this insane idea, and caring has absolutely nothing to do with reproducing millions of copies of the same stupid forward!
 
It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
 
-Wrong! Chain letters are driving us apart! I've tried to tell you so many times to stop sending this stuff! you just keep on sending it, as if I need to be tested, as if you think I'm so stupid as to actually believe this chain will suddenly magically make me a better friend, as if you think it has made you a better friend - well guess what? It hasn't, doesn't, and won't! Besides, this same "circle of friends" line has also been used in other forwards of this type, such as the "friendship ball" that tells you not to "drop the ball" and "keep it rolling"
  
Today I pass this on to you.
 
-And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, you will probably continue to pass on every stupid chain letter you get, because the words "friendship" or "friend" or "God" "Prayer" "Jesus Christ" and the phrases "Pass it on!" "Send this to all your friends!" and any other variation of such, is in it somewhere!
 
Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you...
 
-No, I'm not a "simple friend" I won't do anything so sanctimonious, inconsiderate and just plain idiotic!
 
INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.
 
-Nooooooooo kidding! That's what chain letter forwards are all about! That's the only real goal of every single chain forward, to reproduce itself by the millions and clog up the internet! It is a request I will not honor!
 
When you are down to nothing ... God is up to something.
 
-Excuse me while I blow my stack! This is another thing I hate about these spams, they use and abuse God's name in order to sucker religious people into spamming all their friends with this junk!  
 
People come into our lives for A Reason,
 
-Just like in the "Road Rose" chain that barged onto my monitor a month before this absurd "friendship test," right. Do you never actually read and realize how repetitive this stuff is? Yes, one chain forward borrows words and phrases from another, too! Thought you were sending  or posting something spectacular? You've just replicated yet another copy of a chain letter that contains a rip off of another chain letter forward! Yes, some of us do have memories that aren't damaged by the wild rush of whatever it is that makes forwarders forward!
 
It's Up To Us To Decide!!
 
-And if you want to be a real friend and to have real friends, hopefully you will eventually "decide" to stop sending and posting "friendship" spam and all other chain letters to anyone or on the web, unless you are annoyed and want to tear them apart and express why these chain letters are the scurge of the internet. Until then, don't expect me to come over and raid your fridge the way a "real/true friend" might!

  
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