The Netizen

What Each Kiss Means - another mutation of an old chain letter

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:25:25 -0700

What Each Kiss Means by The Netizen
Download now or listen on posterous

WhatEachKissMeans.mp3 (3645 KB)

what each kiss means

-Oh yay, another mutation of the kiss section of the Anne Wichert love luck world record chain letter. Well, here goes a debunk.

- Kiss on the Belly: I'm ready.

-For what, dinner? Or maybe you're just ready to let your brain turn to mush enough so you'll pass on this chain letter.

- Kiss on the Forehead: I missed you...

-Not necessarily, and not for everyone. There are all kinds of ways to convey "I miss you" from just saying it out loud to hugging.

- Kiss on the Cheek: Long time no see...

-So whatever happened to the kiss on the cheek meaning "I just want to be friends" oh but wait, this is a mutation so things get changed in order to make the chain letter look original.

- Kiss on the Hand: You're mine!

-The other version has it as meaning "I adore you" just to show that this kissing chain has been around a long time, just worded differently, and it's no more gvalid in the new fangled wording.

- Kiss on the Neck: I want to be with you...

-Or as the older version put it, "I want you."

- Kiss on the Shoulder: You mean so much...

-You can say that by simply saying it, and by hugging and by your actions too, where you kiss someone really has no specific, special meaning. Kiss on the shoulder? Seriously?

- Kiss on the Lips: I love you.

-That's the same in the other version of this chain.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:
- Holding Hands: You're mine.

-I thought you said that was kissing the hand. Oh well.

- Touching on the Butt: This is mine!

-Seriously? Well, hopefully you're touching your own butt, which would still be rather sad, and not trying to claim anyone else's as yours. You'd look very silly if you could actually do that and start wearing someone else's butt, plus, you'd have to go to the bathroom a lot more often, what fun. By the way, don't try that with me unless you want yours kicked.

- Holding you tight pressed against each other: Don't let go...

-In public that's called a public display of affection.

- Looking into each other's Eyes: I trust you!

That's a bit of an improvement on the other chain letter interpretation which said it meant "Kiss me."

- Playing with Hair: Let's fool around.

-In that case, the wind must always be telling people "Let's fool around!" In otherwords, this is ridiculous.

- Arms around the Waist: Be close to me.

-The other version says that a hand on the waist means "I love you too much to let you go." Either way, it's bosh. It's just a means of showing affection, not meaning specific phrases.

- Laughing while Kissing: You are perfect with me!

-No, it means simply that the two love-bugs are having a great time and enjoying each other's company. Nothing more, nothing less.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
ADVICE:

-More like statements of stupidity.

- If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love.

-Wrong! I'm definitely not in love with whoever started this idiotic chain, or the fools who pass it on. My thoughts about them are more along the line of telling them to get a clue.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
REQUIREMENTS:- Post this again after reading!! Or you will have a bad year of Relationships.

-Honestly, who in the world believes this crap? It's sad how many people either forward it to their friends, you know, sending bad luck chains to your friends is a very rude and stupid thing to do. Other people junk up their web pages, forums and blogs with this garbage. If you thought you were making your blog more interesting, or adding something great to a forum, you couldn't be more wrong. All you did was spam it up and make yourself look like an idiot.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
IF YOU (LIKE), (LOVE), OR (MISS) SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
- and can't get them out of your head.

-Not my problem.

- then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you.

-How can people know enough to operate a computer, experience such a serious brain-beltch and believe in and pass on this kruft? I don't get it. The fact is, no stupid chain letter can make someone you miss or love, surprise you.

- Re-post this as "what each kiss means."(:

-No, don't repost it. Be smart and rip it apart whenever you come across it instead.

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Essay on Twilight Part 2

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:04:00 -0700

If you haven't read the first part of this essay, you can at this page:

http://netizen.posterous.com/an-essay-on-twilight

Continuing from where Posterous so rudely cut off the article. Still taken from: http://twilightsucks.proboards81.com/index.cgi?board=twilight&action=display&thread=220 and again with the disclaimer: edited here mostly for language and with a few other modifications, additions and omissions.

Science, pt. 1

Now, I love fantasy. I am completely willing to suspend disbelief about fantastical elements.

But when an author specifically incorporates science into her fantastical story AND GETS IT WRONG (or at least is monumentally stupid about it), that’s when I have a problem. Stephenie Meyer is WAY guilty of this.

Quote:My reasoning was, why should the sun burn them? That seemed like a very mystical kind of thing, and my vampires are more science than magic to me (whereas my werewolves are more magic than science).

There you have it, fangirls. That’s why we’re allowed to criticize Meyer for her bad science.

Nessie
1. Edward's sperm.... Or, why Edward should be infertile.
There are a variety of problems here, so let's go through each of them.

A. "Edward is frozen! His sperm survived!"
Edward has been a vampire for several, several decades. If unused, sperm survive inside the testes for a few days, let's say between 3-7 days. Outside the body, they survive a few hours. Inside the female, they can survive up to three days. Additionally, sperm require a specific temperature to survive; specifically, around 96 degrees. That is why the testes draw up closer to the abdomen for warmth when males are cold ("shrinkage" when swimming, for example) and why they "drop," or extend away from the abdomen, in a hot shower (as the body heats up).

Remember what happens when humans turn into vampires? Their body supposedly dies. Their body stops generating heat. All conventional wisdom, therefore, says that Eddie's sperm ought to have died within a few hours of his human death. And although Meyer describes Edward as "icy" and "frozen in time," he isn't actually frozen. He's a corpse. So, the argument that Edward's vampiness preserves his sperm (which, by the way, he didn't ejaculate that sperm for over 100 years...yeah, okay). So

So much is being made over this reproduction business, let's address other things as well.

If vampires are supposed to be dead, they shouldn't even move. They don't breathe, yet they laugh, cry, and sigh. Could someone explain that? If the all important reproductive system is supposed to shut down in a vampire, than so should production of anything else like tears, spit, anything a healthy living human body makes.

But, for the sake of argument, let's say that Edward did have some viable sperm. The question is: why was Nessie half vampire. Since vampires don't age or grow or produce body fluids other than venom (...more on that later), Edward's sperm could only have been human. Why was Nessie not fully human, then?

B. The chromosomes changed! Like in, um, the rest of us body!"
Ah, Meyer's "chromosome" explanation. Haha, good one. More on that later.
But for now, let's make this explanation a simple one. The difference (and why mammals can make babies) between body ("somatic") cells and gametes (ovum, sperm) is that body cells have 23 pairs of chromosomes (=46) and gametes have only 23 chromosomes, period. Further, the ovum's 23 pairs match up to the sperm's 23 pairs. When they fuse, they create a zygote with--wait for it, now--23 pairs of chromosomes, just like somatic cells! Thus, gametes are called haploid cells because they have half the number of chromosomes as somatic cells (diploid cells).

So what does all that basic biology talk matter? Well, here's the thing, in plain speech. Those gametes went through a delicate and complex process (meiosis) to arrive in their current form. There's no way that a vampiric "virus" or whatever could transform them into a viable vamp_sperm without totally messing them up because they aren't the same as somatic cells. Even if this vamp_virus could somehow alter the genetic code of somatic cells (thereby turning each of Eddy's cells (and therefore, sets of DNA) into vamp cells, that same process would not work for a haploid cell without irreparably damaging it and rendering it useless in terms of baby-makin'.

But, for the sake of argument, let's say that somehow Edward's sperm was viable, with its vampness intact (25 singular chromosomes...>eyeroll<). Meyer says that Nessie was born with 24 chromosomes (presumably 24 chromosome pairs). This does not make sense.

I've seen Twilighters use the mule/ninny defense, saying that horses have 64 chromosomes and donkeys have 62 and since some mules has 63, it "works" for vamp/humans and therefore dhampirs as well. Besides the fact that mules getting 63 is a total crapshoot, here are some reasons it doesn't.

Humans have 23 very specific chromosomes.
Vampires (and for the sake of the discussion, let's assume that this is possible) have 25 very specific chromosomes.

Human 23 match with the vampire's first 23 (assuming they are the vampire's original human chromosomes).
Human gamete has 0 left over, Vampire gamete has 2 left over.

Now, presumably, it's those 2 extra chromosomes which give the vampire its vampire traits.

What are those vampire traits?
Well, vampires are humans' predators. They hunt, kill, and gain sustenance from humans. This is NOT the same as the donkey/horse relationship, two animals which are very, very similar genetically - i.e., four-legged mammals, hoofed, living, herbivores, part of the equidae family and the equus genus. Horses and mules don't cannibalize each other.

Saying that a human and vampire can cross-breed is like making the argument that tigers and antelope can cross-breed. One predates upon the other. They have extreme genetic differences. Humans are living, omnivores, mammals, members of the hominidae family and homo class. Vampires are an altered state, not exactly living, not exactly dead, but would be dead without feeding on the blood of others, humans (or animals in Ed Cullen's case.) They are sanguinivorous, asexual, and since while they're possibly a member of the hominidae family, they sure as hell don't qualify for the homo genus (also, because they're not real and based on fantasy, but then again that's the point of this whole discussion - the absurdity that Meyer tried to explain vampires scientifically). Not only that, but they are humans' natural predator (strength, speed, DaZzLe!).

Long story short? THEY DON'T MATCH UP TO HUMANS.

Besides that, even if those two left over chromosomes somehow joined up with each other, it'd probably result in some really messed-up congenital defects (...they arguably did, but whatevs). They would not result in a perfect little creature like Nessie.

What about Nessie?

> Unless Edward's sperm doubles as Miracle-Gro, Nessie ought to grow very slowly.
> She should also require a more balanced diet, seeing as blood is actually very poor nutritiously and her body wouldn't get the required nutrients and fuel to sustain her metabolism and creepily SuPEr!growth.
> This is also the reason that Bella's gallon of blood as her tasty pregnancy supplement is completely baseless. Blood has very low nutritional value as well as being bad for humans if they ingest too much of it. If anything, Bella ought to have become very sick and starved to death if all she was doing was drinking blood. There's a reason vampire bats have to ingest ridiculous amounts of blood in order to survive.. It's because blood sucks as a food source.
> If Renesmee does grow fast, then chances are her extra chromosome or two would really screw that process up (...like, say, Down's syndrome, aka trisomy 21 [an extra chromosome! Why does that sound familiar?], which causes developmental problems in the brain as well as some physical oddities, like smaller, almond-shaped eyes, protruding tongue, shorter limbs, etc.).

c. "Yeah, but Edward doesn't have sperm! He has venom!"

Meyer has said (and I'm paraphrasing), "there are a lot of things that venom does."

Well, that's true. One of those things is that it gets into the bloodstream, it starts vamping a person. Given the fact that Edward banged (ha. ha. ironic?) Bella hard enough to leave bruises and the fact that she was a virgin... Chances are good that his venom_sperm should have come into contact with torn hymen or, once ejaculated into her uterus, should have been absorbed into the bloodstream. Meaning, Bella would very quickly have experienced a burning sensation inside her body and I really don't want to imagine Edward sucking that venom out in an effort to de-vampify her.

But, for the sake of argument, let's say that the venom somehow passed through her vagina, uterus, and into her fallopian tube where it reached the mature ovum.

So what? Venom, simply put, isn't sperm, and it lacks the properties to qualify as such.

There's this thing about sperm that makes it special. I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty details of it, but there's a complex hormonal response within the egg and within the sperm that make it possible for the sperm (about 0.05 millimeters long) to penetrate and fertilize the egg (visible to the human eye). Not only that, but it's human sperm which are capable of going through this process.

But, let's say that venom could do the job, too. Now, as far as I know, there aren't any human elements to venom (especially as it's apparently lethal to humans). So, if somehow the venom got to the egg, there are a few scenarios that would play out:

> The venom's acidic (or basic, dunno which) nature would go Wicked-Witch-of-the-West style on the egg, destroying it completely (considering the egg is pretty fragile, and if venom can dissolve a contact lens in a few hours, then it would definitely mess up an egg).
> If the venom didn't destroy the egg, then it would make the egg all vampire (remember, no human element)... and the egg would not mature at all. It would die, and then become a "frozen in time," dead egg.
> It would not turn the egg into a super-special super-speed growth demon spawn.

So. There you have it. Why Edward's sperm should exist, why venom doesn't work, and why Nessie's only possible origin is magic.

"But it's fantasy!"

This is one case where that argument works, kind of. Meyer was an idiot to try an explain her vampires via science. It's a cardinal rule of fantasy that if your explanation won't work, find one that does. You know what explanation works for vampires? Magic. Call them supernatural; that's what they are. Using science as a bizarre crutch for your fantasy only ruins your continuity and your world's logic and it brings down the writing to the level where I have rendered her plot completely unworkable by the application of basic biology. The reason this is a problem is because it is yet another symptom of Meyer's complete botch when it comes to basic writing technique and theory.

(More examples below)

Science, part 2

1. Diamond-skin & body-heat
Meyer says about the vampires’ sparkle motion power that “their skin hardens into a diamond-like substance (only harder). This material has prism-like qualities. The sun does not damage the skin regardless of the reflecting.”

…The problem with being “harder” than a diamond is that diamonds aren’t, you know, flexible. Now while it’d be an interesting idea (and alternate solution to the vampires-don’t-go-out-in-sunlight aspect of vampire lore) if they suddenly turned to stone in the sunlight, Meyer doesn’t do that. Their skin is just diamond-like. How do they move? It should be impossible.

About body heat: We learn from the approximately 234250907811 times that Bella says it that Edward is cold and hard and pale and icy, even when they’re in bed together. Again, what human in their right mind - oh, but this IS Bella we're talking about here... My question is this: how does Edward’s body NOT absorb Bella’s body heat? It’s not as though his body can’t react to other forms of energy, so why does Bella’s delectable 98.6º flesh have no impact on him whatsoever, other than smelling like a tasty meal to him...? If you hold a rock in your hand, the rock eventually warms up. If you sleep next to something cold or at room temperature, you’ll eventually warm up what you have touched with your body to at least some degree. In theory, since Edward isn’t keeping ice cubes in his pants (we don’t think), he should always be room temperature, which means that to a human’s touch, he should feel slightly cool. In hot weather, he’d feel warmer. But seriously—perpetual iciness makes no sense at all. It makes no sense that Bella wouldn't be extremely uncomfortable when in close contact with him. Could you lie comfortably and fall asleep cuddling up next to a man-sized reptile (room temperature vampire) or ice block (Edward Cullen?)

2. Beauty (and omg, sparkles!)
I’ve ranted on about this elsewhere, but for the sake of covering my bases I’ll do it again. Why do vampires suddenly become Greek gods/goddesses upon transformation? Fans like to say that their beauty makes them attractive to their prey, making it easier for them to catch wee, sparkle-struck Homo sapiens. There are two problems with this, namely that the text contradicts that theory and that even if it were in the text, it makes no sense scientifically.

What does the text say?

Much fuss is made over the vampires’ inhuman beauty, yet Bella is the only idiot actually ATTRACTED to it. Edward says several times how other humans are instinctively afraid and wary of the vampires ON SIGHT; so how does that make any sense whatsoever with the theory that their beauty is a secondary adaptation for hunting? Answer: it doesn’t.

MRSA [the bacteria which had mutated to be resistant to penicillin and other antibiotics reproduced to create MRSA and other antibiotic-resistant forms of bacteria] It's the idea that on average, the strongest, most-adapted organism will survive (and therefore procreate) and the weakest, least-adapted organism will not (and therefore its gene set is nullified). A lot of biologists argue that reproduction is the overarching biological need in all organisms and that all behavior works to that end.

What does this have to do with meyerpires and how pretty they are?

1. Vampires are already pretty much indestructible as well as the perfect predator for their prey; they are infinitely stronger, faster, and supposedly smarter. Thus, the following questions must be asked:
A. How could beauty have evolved as an adaptation when hardly ANY of them die (meaning that even an ugly vampire would be able to feed and survive), and even if they DID…
B. THEY DON’T REPRODUCE. Vampires are not BORN; the only possibility for genetic diversity (reproduction & genetic recombination) is completely NULL thanks to the idea that females are infertile (more on the males later).

“But making a new vampire IS reproduction”

No, it isn’t. In Meyer-land, humans become full vampires rather than half-vampires when turned. This means that there is no sexual reproduction happening because, as we know, sexual reproduction requires two separate sets of DNA (and in the vamping process, the human’s DNA would theoretically combine with the vampire’s to make themselves a half-vampire… this doesn’t happen.). If it was asexual reproduction, like mitosis, then the newly-turned vampire would be an identical copy of its maker, but again this obviously isn’t the case. The only possibility then is that Meyer’s version of vampirism is more like an STD than anything—that is, a virus or bacterial infection that happens to transform its host into a sparkly, scintillating, stunning monster.

So what does this prove, exactly?

Simple: that the vampires’ beauty makes no sense and serves no purpose other than to Mary Sue-ify and Gary Stu-ify the Cullens (and of course Bella).

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"But Bella gets to make her own choices!"

This is an argument that I've heard not just from fangirls but from the Great Smeyer herself, and while it seems compelling at first glance, the fact is that it's just as bad an argument as many of the others I've addressed over this series.

But why?

If men can choose to remain a bachelor or to be promiscuous without judgment, so too should women be allowed that choice with the same repercussions (or lack thereof) as in men's case.

So, let's bring this back 'round to Twilight. What choices does Bella make? Let's sample three of her decisions throughout the series.

1. She chooses to follow James' instructions at the end of Twilight
If you're arguing for Bella as a strong female character because you think she is "allowed" to make her own choices, this is one bad example. Why? Because she chose to *follow a man's instructions* instead of making up her own mind. She's still following a man... This choice ends up not being a choice at all, and it is a bad move. It revealed Bella as stupid and incapable and led to Edward needing to swoop in to save her. Why? Because she, the weak and silly woman, was too dumb to see through James' unoriginal scheme and to her detriment made a bad choice because of that. This doesn't prove that Bella is strong and on equal footing with the men just because she made a choice. In fiction, the existence of the decision is not so important as the results of that decision themselves and how those results affect the perception of the decision-maker. Here, Bella's decision forces her into the weak damsel in distress figure yet again, thus propelling the charges of sexism even further.

2. She ignores Edward's mandates against visiting Jacob and La Push.
This one is a bit tricky. On the surface, it seems like an empowered decision. If you push deeper, however, more unsettling truths emerge. For example, why does she stay with Edward despite his abusive actions? Why does she submit to his attempts to control her behavior the rest of the time? Then, if you turn to the action itself (and forgive me but I don't have a copy of the book on hand), Bella says something to the effect of 'I know I won't get away with this' or 'I know Edward's not going to be happy' (or something like that), acknowledging his role as an authoritative and dominant partner. She doesn't like his behavior. She doesn't appreciate his attempts to control her, yet she exhibits no sense of strength or empowerment and Meyer treats the event like Bella's "breaking a rule" (Edward's rule) rather than having the right to do as she pleases. Not only that, but when his actions finally do irritate her--after she realizes that he removed her engine--she doesn't dump him or bitch at him or say, "take o
ff, I'll do what I want" - instead, she leaves her window open. Even though Edward imposed his will on her and upset her with his abusive and controlling act, she doesn't respond. She doesn't get angry. All in all, she thinks of herself as powerless and acts powerless. The choices of an empowered female? I think not.

3. Her "choice" to become a vampire.
Throughout the series, this was the one thing that simultaneously irked me and made me glad for her character. On the one hand, I was annoyed that she wanted to give up her humanity, her future, and her friends and family. The fact that she had zero ambition other than gluing herself to Edward's side for the rest of eternity bugged me. On the other hand, I was glad that she'd made a choice and stuck by it even in the face of Edward's obvious disapproval and anger over her decision. In books 1-3, Bella did intend to become a vampire. But there are three problems with that. 1) Her becoming a vampire was contingent upon Edward's agreement (Edward's choice), 2) it took the Vulturi's decision and the Vulturi's timeline to make Edward agree, not hers, and 3) becoming a vampire was never within her power to begin with. It was an illusion of choice, not actual choice. However, Breaking Dawn completely destroyed whatever tenuous thread of empowerment existed. She didn't get to choose to become a vampire--she was unconscious. She was dying, a broken and bleeding husk. Edward decided when the time was right. Edward chose to make her a vampire. Bella didn't have any choice in the matter at all, from beginning to end. Becoming a vampire was completely out of her control and even if it weren't, even if Edward was going to abide by her wishes and make her a vampire in some special candlelit room... that was taken away from her. That illusion of her "choice" was irrelevant in the end because it was Edward who made the decision.

So, what "choices" does Bella make?
1. The "choice" to nearly get herself killed due to her monumental stupidity.
2. The "choice" to submit to abuse, even though it's emotionally damaging.
3. The "choice" that didn't actually give her a choice.

Those don't sound much like choices to me.

Additional links

Open Letter to Twitards: http://shimmerstar.deviantart.com/journal/21603648/
Twilight = Mary Sue http://MarySue.pbworks.com/Twilight

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Nine Words Women Use

Wed, 06 May 2009 15:49:03 -0700

Nine Words Women Use by The Netizen
Download now or listen on posterous

9WordsWomenUse.mp3 (3161 KB)

9 words women use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

-Oh, right, because men only have two modes, arguing, or being wrong, and women have only two modes, thinking deeply or fighting. What rubbish.

-Actually I rarely argue with people, and mostly use the word "fine" when asked if something is okay.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

-Wrong again. I've said it before, but obviously it bears repeating. I don't take a long time to get dressed, fix my hair etc. It really does only take me five minutes if that. I'm not in the habit of timing myself or anyone else. Oh, and I watch hockey games.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine

-Wrong again. When I say "nothing," it usually means just that, nothing, or else I just don't feel like talking about something. It doesn't indicate any storm is brewing or that I'll hit some guy with a "fine".

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

-Wrong, wrong, wrong. I never say "Go ahead" when I don't want someone to do something. I do not believe in daring anyone, and am not the sort to look for a fight and start it by a dare.

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

-Actually, I sigh at anyone who annoys me, men and women alike, and it doesn't mean "nothing" I sigh at myself for making stupid mistakes, my computer when it freezes, the dying batteries in my Ipod, you get the idea. And men also sigh over the same sort of things as well.

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

-Totally wrong. When I say "That's okay" I mean "That's okay. There's nothing dangerous about it, and unlike women in these silly chain letters, I don't go around playing judge, jury, and executioner on men just because they are men.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

-I could say the very same thing about some men, there are simply some people regardless of gender, who just don't express gratitude very often.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

-No, if people want to use that kind of language, they do regardless of gender. "Whatever" is used by both men and women alike. And it's "a woman's way" not "a women's way."

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

-Wrong yet again. I've said "Don't worry, I got it" without being in any arguement, and meant exactly what I said. You cannot predict an interaction between people based on gender.

Iam giving this advice to men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they hear any of those words and to all the women to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!

-It's not advice, it's a crock of bullcrap, and anything but true from my perspective.

PLEASE CONFIRM THE INTERPRETATIONS -ARE THEY TRUE OR FALSE? – AT LEAST TO HELP THE MEN FOLK.

-I've just confirmed they are false, or at least not true for everyone, certainly not true 100 percent for any woman or any man. You could switch the genders around in these descriptions and have them be just as accurate or inaccurate depending on you or the people you know.

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Natural Highs Chain Letters

Wed, 06 May 2009 13:08:00 -0700

Natural Highs chain letters

These are lists of scenarios that you are supposed to read, feel really good about, so good that you will do the best thing in the world and make someone else feel good, by, yes you guessed it - passing the lists of natural highs to them!

They are among the least offensive virals, but they ARE STILL virals, the manipulation in this case is to get you thinking you are spreading the good feelings and natural highs. What you are actually spreading is more copies of these lists.

So let's have some fun and nix the natural high factor enough to put a wrench into the chain originators' game plan. Starting with a list posted on another site.

http://community.livejournal.com/guilt_trips/3449.html

Short "Natural Highs" chain letter
http://www.forwardgarden.com/forward/48482.html

Debunking:

Okay, this chain letter is very simple, this is a list of natural highs(does NOT mean drugs)For each one you add send it to one person and every one on the bottom of the list, but before you do put your e-mail address on the bottom!! Addd at least one!! Lets start::

-No, forget passing it on. Let's start the debunk now.

1)Playing Music - and getting it wrong.
2)Listening to Music - and not liking it.
3)Being with Freinds -(you mean 'friends' - who turn out to be enemies later.
4)Having a Crush -without it getting returned.
5)Good looking members of the opposite gender -who don't know you exist.

50 Natural Highs
or 68 Natural Highs
http://www.forwardgarden.com/forward/107499.html
http://www.forwardgarden.com/forward/107500.html
In addition
70 Natural Highs - same one but with two additional "highs"
http://www.forwardgarden.com/forward/107501.html

Debunking:

Think about how each one feels then move onto the next one:

1) Stepping into a hot bath after being out in the rain - only to slip in the tub

2) Listening to heavy rain in bed at night - only to doze off and be shot awake by a loud blast of thunder and then the hail comes and ruins your beautiful garden

3)Over-hearing someone say something nice about you - only in a dream

4) To love and be loved in return - only for whoever loves you to move away or die

5)Riding down an empty road with all the windows down/top down with the wind blowing in ur hair - only to run out of gas nowhere near a station

6) Turning on the radio just n time to hear your favourite song - end

7) Credit for acheivements - 'achievements' being given to someone else instead of you

8) Applause - for someone you dislike

9) The smell of freshly baked bread - and knowing you can't have any, whatever the reason

10) Singing along to your favourite song at the top of your voice - only to be overheard especially by someone you didn't want to hear you

11) Your first kiss (either with a new gf/bf or first ever) - only to have it be your last because the person dumps you or makes you dump them

12) Learning something new - that you wish you hadn't

13) Being able to do something you have never been able to do before - until the novelty wears off

14) Freshly cut grass - until the next door neighbors decide to burn rubbish

15) Sitting in complete silence with a best friend then walking away thiking it's the best conversation you've ever had - 'thinking' and not getting the opportunity to do it again

16) Laughing with friends - only to learn later they had been laughing at you

17) Hysterical laughing (laughing where you start for no reason then cant stop) - only to experience the same thing a couple of days later with crying instead

18) Being held by someone your truly love - What, that didn't make sense. Oh well, only to have your true love announce he/she's moving away or going away and can't see you for ages

19) Holding some1 your truly love - Same problem, makes no sense, same debunk as above

20) A really good conversation - that gets interupted

21) Christmas - ruined by some sad event or just over too soon

22) Staying up all night just to watch the sunrise - and being too trashed to be any good for work the next day

23) Sunset - followed by a stormy night

24) A smile from a stranger - only to find out he or she just wanted to sell you something

25) Making the first footprints in a feild of freshly fallen snow - In a what? Oh, a 'field' only to slip and fall on some underlying ice

26) Helping someone - who doesn't appreciate it

27) Making soemone feel special - 'someone' only to have them do just the opposite to you later

28) Feeling special - until someone or circumstances take that feeling away

29) Waking up thinking its a school/work day then realising it's the weekend and you can have a couple of hours more sleep - only to realize you have a bunch of other stuff that needs to get done that you neglected and still don't want to do

30) Waking up after daylight savings and realising you have an hour's more sleep - only to sleep through your alarm and be late anyway

31) Finding a song you really enjoy listening to - but it ends too soon

32) Bumping into old friends and realising something, good and bad, never change... - except for getting worse

33) realising your friends are there for you - until it's inconvenient for them or they only like you conditionally

34) Candy floss - smells great but has no substance, very little taste, and is gone too soon

35) Reminising over old times with friends, lovers or just alone - 'reminiscing' only to find people remembered things about you you wish they didn't

36) Finding money on the floor - that isn't yours

37) Doing a selfless act - only to have it unappreciated

38) Holidays - getting ruined by jerks, bad situations, or both

39) Family - quarrels

40) Staying up all night and watching old movies - only to regret it the next day or end up sleeping in longer than you wanted

41) Working really hard on something then getting a better mark than you expected - only to get a tougher assignment you nearly fail later

42) Finding an item of clothing you really like then finding out it's half price - and doesn't fit you anyway or it's gone the next time you come to the shop

43)Finding the solution to a reoccuring problem - only for another problem to take its place

44) A good nights sleep - followed by an unexpectedly crummy day

45) Dancing all night - and not being able to keep your eyes open the next day

46) A good walk - until you slip on something

47) Finding out you fit into that dress which you couldnt fit into 2 months before - but it's still too expensive

48) Eating chocolate when you really needed it - only the pleasure doesn't last long enough, it's gone too soon

49) Recieving a text message - that costs money and turns out to be a stupid chain letter that tells you to text it forward to everybody else or x number of people

50) Recieving a letter (which isn't a bill, junk mail, ect..) - but it turns out to contain some sad news concerning someone you care about

51) Having a crush on someone - but they don't return the feeling

52) Passing that test you thought you could never pass - only to have a tougher one later that you don't do so well on

53) Recieving a sincere compliment from someone who usually never compliments you - and being in the uncomfortable situation of not being able to sincerely compliment them back

54) Eating ice cream - and having it melt too quickly, all over your outfit

55) Someone playing with your hair - when you wish they would stop it

56) Accepting that somethings can't be changed - and changing the things you can

57) Winning an arm-wrestle against soem-one you usually lose against - 'someone' only to have them tell you they were just letting you win to make you feel better

58) Fixing something no-one else could fix - only to have it break shortly after once again

59) Making something all on your own with your two own hands - only to have it turn out nowhere near as good as you had wanted

60) Going to a concert - and not enjoying it all that much

61) Recieving an email - that turns out to be yet another stupid forward

64) Being genuinly happy - until something or someone gives you reason to be genuinely upset

65)Recieving a kiss from that special someone - only to find out later they were just playing you

66) Reading a good book then getting a good twist at the end - which comes too soon

67) Watching a romance movie then crying at the end - when you're not alone

68) Chanting along to "We will rock you" with a massive crowd - until the wrong team scores

69) Realising you were actually right all along - about something you wish you could've been wrong

70) Gaining a friend - who turns out to either be fake or thinks passing on forwards is the way to be a friend and keep in touch with you

Bad Feelings

Putting a different light on another fluffy, feel-good chain letter.

Subject: FW: Bad Feelings

Please make sure you -don't- forward this back to me -- you'll see why at the end! Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one......... IT DOES -not- MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end. Please remember that thought -the next time you get a compulsion to send on some superficial fluffy friendship forward that's been everywhere and that you did not write yourself. Never honor the request of any chain letter to "send a copy back to me" that's the way any chain originator could try to collect addresses if everyone did that, and it would crash the net with deplorable amounts of copies of the same junk. Everybody would get nothing but zillions of the same junk forwards coming back to them and nothing else.

1. Falling in love - and then getting cheated on.

2. Crying so hard your face hurts.

3. An ice cold shower.

4. No end to lines at the supermarket

5. An especially unfriendly glare.

6. Getting junk mail from people who are supposed to be your friends!

7. Taking a drive on a pretty bad road that leads to a dead end.

8. Hearing your least favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed with a cold wind and rain coming in through an open window waking you up.

10. Wet towels.

11. Finding the sweater you want - is gone.

12. Chocolate milkshake - made with soy.

13. A long distance phone call - from a scammer.

14. A bubble bath - and the phone ringing out of reach.

15. Weeping.

16. A boring or heated conversation.

17. Frostbite.

18. Finding a hole in your coat pocket.

19. Getting annoyed at yourself.

20. Midnight phone calls - that get you out of bed and they are wrong numbers or pranks.

21. Running through sprinklers - and getting a chill.

22. Crying for absolutely no reason at all.

23. Having someone tell you that you're in need of a makeover.

24. Groaning at an inside joke.

25. Enemies.

26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something bad about you.

27. Waking up and realizing you overslept.

28. Getting kissed by someone you can't stand.

29. Making new enemies or avoiding old ones.

30. Playing with a new puppy - that pees, poos or throws up on you, chews up a favorite something of yours, or gets sick and dies.

31. Having someone play with your hair - and messing it up when you wanted it looking just so.

32. Nightmares.

33. Hot plastic.

34. Road trips - with people that shouldn't travel together.

35. Falling off swings - and hurting yourself.

36. Unwrapping presents under the Christmas tree - but getting nothing you want.

37. Finding out someone must have borrowed your cds without asking or telling you.

38. Going to a really lousy concert...

39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger - who looks away.

40. Losing a really competitive game.

41. Making chocolate chip cookies - that burn or just turn out hard as rocks.

42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies - that you don't like.

43. Spending time with people - you don't like.

44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter - from your enemies.

45. Holding hands with someone you care about - only to see them holding hands with somebody else later.

46. Running into an old friend - and realizing that some things (good or bad)
have gotten 10 times worse.

47. Getting scared and sick on carnival rides.

48. Opening a present (or chain letter email forward) from a friend who thinks you'll like it but you really hate it.

49. Watching the sun - go behind the clouds.

50. Getting into bed every night - and being glad the day's finally over.

51. Chain letter forwards!

52. All your friends ever send you are chain forwards.

53. Embarrassment at your friends being gullible enough to send you something that promises good fortune if you pass it along.

-Don't- PASS ON THESE NATURAL -lows- TO AT LEAST 7 PEOPLE IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR AND SOMETHING good -and horrible- WILL -not- HAPPEN TO YOU IN THE NEXT FEW HOURS. Be sure -not- to send it back to the person who sent it to you!

-Fake friendship forwards can make real friends disappear.

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Sixty-Five Is Not a Few!

Wed, 06 May 2009 01:45:37 -0700

Sixty - Five Is Not A Few! by The Netizen
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65IsNotAFew.mp3 (2615 KB)

Just a few questions I had

-No, you didn't have these questions, you were "tagged" in a chain note and absolutely couldn't resist the temptation to answer them due to your addiction to chain notes.

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...

-Since when is 65 "a few"? And yes, I've been asked and seen these questions asked repeatedly in chain letter surveys like this one.

you know the rules. tag people
in this note (including the person who tagged you!) to learn more about people.
Also, try to tag people who you've tagged in other notes, sometimes you learn
things in new notes that you didn't know before about them.

-Sure, and make a huge obnoxious pest of yourself by abusing the tag feature and spreading the survey chain far and wide. One looks like another, and Facebook Notes is already being terribly misused in this way.

-To show how unoriginal and same old boring crap this thing really is, here are questions I've seen in many of these. Why people never tire of answering the same things just because it's presented only slightly differently every time is beyond me.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red?
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
9. What are you craving right now?
12. Are you emotional?
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
15. Do you like your hair?
16. Do you like yourself?
18. What are you listening to right now?
35. Ever been in love?
38. Last time you cried?
40. Favorite time of the year?
41. Do you have any tattoos?
45. Favorite color?
52. Do you like your life right now?
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
58. The last person you held hands with?
59. What are you wearing?
60.What is your favorite animal?
63. Do you have a job?
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?

-All of these turn up again and again in these chain notes.

Then, there are always a few utterly ridiculous, stupid questions to add to the pointless boring ones, such as:

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?

-Uh, no. I do have a life.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

-Why? What's the point? He doesn't even know I exist.

-So there you have it. Junking up Facebook notes or other blogs with this stuff really misuses the services, and makes your posts extremely boring and annoying to read. Who wants to read a bunch of stupid meaningless questions about you that will be forgotten until you post the next tear-jerking boring chain note?

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Wingless Angels

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 22:56:57 -0800

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WinglessAngels.mp3 (2344 KB)

From: a forwarder
To: a massive number of recipients
Subject: (no subject)

It can't hurt - I'd rather be on the side of angels than not.
Let me know what happens to you the morning after you open this e-mail.

-Oh honestly, do you really think angels wage war on a piece of text that can't do anything except annoy the heck out of me? Do you really think this stupid chain letter will threaten my life? If so, why did you send it in the first place? Oh, because you want to be an angel, right. And yes it can hurt in ways you probably couldn't imagine. Stop ruining friendships by sending chain letters.

This is an unusual one. It actually gives you a time tomorrow.. Let's see if it works.

Unusual just like every other chain letter that gives you a time limit as in "you must send this to 25 people within an hour or else."

-Wrong.

There's nothing unusual about this chain just because it says so.

-It only works on people who lose the ability to think for themselves whenever some viral nuissance spreads to their computer. It won't work on me.

GUARDIAN ANGEL

-I don't believe in chain letter angels.

Forward this message the same day you received it. It may sound ridiculous, but it is right on time. We believe that something is about to happen..

-Cut the fake urgency.

Angels exist,

-But not in chain letters.

only sometimes they haven't got wings and

And they are called "friends" yadda yadda yadda, seen that corny saying show up in chain letters before.

we call them friends;

-See? How predictable. Gah, sometimes it's a real drag being right. Anyway, so much for this forward being "unusual..."

you are one of them..

-Translation: This forward is going to play on the ego, it will butter you up and put you in the mood to spam all your friends with this piece of junk!

-No thanks. You can call me a wingless angel all you want, but you're not going to get me to pass on this fake friendship spam.

Something wonderful is about to happen to you and your friends. Tomorrow at 11:09AM somebody will address you and tell you some thing you have been waiting to hear.

-Clue, people, no chain letter can literally make somebody call you up out of the blue with some wonderful news, let alone any specific time.

Please do not break this. Send it to at least 7 of your friends!

-No, don't annoy at least 7 of your friends with this chain letter. As for breaking it, consider it thoroughly smashed.

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Books

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 06:29:38 -0800

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Books.mp3 (931 KB)

"Books
"The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?"

Oh, and have you actually found an article written by someone at the BBC to prove this statement? Furthermore, what does it matter? Has everyone at the BBC read this list of books?

"Instructions:
Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read."

It's not even a well put-together list.

"2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien ( )"

Skip down to:

"16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien ( )"

Hello, the Hobbit is part of the Lord of the Rings.

"33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis ( )
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis ( )"

Wake up, the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is part of the Chronicles of Narnia.

The list consists of books that I have read, watched in movie form, have heard about, or all three, and yes, I'm familiar with the stories of more than just 6. Many classics more famous for their titles than anything else. I don't understand why they included Harry Potter in that list, but at least Twilight was not included, that would be a laugh.

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Facebook Chain-Addicted

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 19:13:18 -0800

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FacebookChainAddicted.wma (5503 KB)

Facebook has gone chain-addicted mad!

Don't people ever get sick of filling out these stupid random chain surveys?

"Your First..."

It was 25 randoms, now it's 25 firsts. It starts off with:

"1. Who was your FIRST love?"

It ends with:

"25. Who will be the FIRST to repost this?"

That is a hint to keep it going.
--

"44 ODD Things about you!"

So 25 things wasn't already too much, now it's 44.

"If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 44
things about your friends, and let them learn 44 things about
you! Tag the person that sent it plus others."

No thanks.

Getting tagged in a personally written note is great. Getting tagged because a friend fell for a chain letter isn't so great.
--

"3
Now, here's what you're supposed to do...and please do not spoil the fun."

That phrase is also found in the "bunch of questions" chain letter. It was manipulative there and it is here as well. You're not spoiling the fun by refusing to answer a viral survey.

"Create a new note, copy and paste this message, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then tag a few good friends and family INCLUDING the person who tagged you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known things about your friends and family. Have FUN!"

Just like the "25 random things" "40 odd things" "bunch of questions" chain letters.
--

"Yes or No
You can ONLY answer Yes or No!"

I'll answer however I choose or not, thank you.

"You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and Asks!"

How interesting would that be? Not very. This would result in even more boring chain note posts than the usual questionaires.

"Now, here's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the Fun. Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers and type in your answers. Then see what happens."

That was already said in "3" and the "Bunch of questions" and it's still bollox.
--

Another one going around on Facebook is called

"I Want to Know More About You!"

It claims:

"Here are the rules - post this list on your profile (in Notes) replacing my answers with yours. Tag people to do the same thing. If I tagged YOU, it's because I want to know more about YOU!"

No, you tagged somebody because this chain note says so and you want to answer more meaningless questions about yourself which are either boring, pointless, or things that should probably remain private.
--

"The list
You just got tagged and now you're it!"

Again, this is not a real game of tag. It's a chain note. Real tag is not a viral scheme.

"Just copy and paste and put your own answers in. The purpose of this is to get to know your friends better and it's so much fun!"

-Fun for the people who originate these things, seeing how far and wide their junk gets mass-produced. Not so fun for people who find out their friends have fallen for another chain note that gives them an excuse to answer a bunch of pointless forgetable questions about themselves yet again.

"Here are the rules - post this list on your profile (in Notes) replacing my answers with yours. Tag 25 people to do the same thing."

So it's back to 25 things and notifying 25 people you have just done another chain note.

"If I tagged YOU, it's because I want to know more about YOU!"

That's the exact same claim in another "More About You" chain survey as well and it's just as flimsy. You only tagged because the chain letter says so and you like answering the same boring types of survey questions about yourself.
--

"Name-ology
Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name followed by "ology"

Sounds like it might be fun, but it's just another chain note survey with a huge load of the same typical questions found in every other chain.
--

"Distant Memories"

At first glance, the title suggests it might be a survey that asks about your distant memories.

A look at the instructions shows it might actually be a fun game to play, if it were not for the obligatory tagging x number of people. Don't be fooled by the fun appeal, it is still a viral chain letter scheme.

"1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the same as well as the person you got the note from."

No thanks to the tagging madness. The results of this thing is a song title answer for each seemingly random question about you.

This song game would actually be a game and a lot of fun if it was played in person with several people taking turns answering the questions around a table together. but Who in the world wants to read all this nonsense cluttering up their friends' blogs and notes in this pathetic viral version?
--

Senior Year in Highschool chain letter!

"Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!! FORWARD with name of high school and graduating year in the subject box. Send this to all your friends, but don't forget to send it back to me."

Why send copies back? If everybody did that, the internet would crash because of all the copies of chain letters, and it's already slowing up because of them as it is.

Why give all that info about school? Do you realize you are sharing all this info with all sorts of people who you probably don't even know if your Facebook notes are set for public viewing?

Why not just have a conversation with your friends about school instead of posting some silly questionaire chain?
--

A chain letter for couples, what next?

This one probably hit right around Valentine's Day 2009 and continued after that date.

"Couples questions
This is about you and your spouse or significant other ... not just you. Come on, play along - inquiring minds want to know! ;-) Just copy this post into your own notes & change the answers!"

It doesn't explicitly tell people to "tag" or forward it, but the hope is that the appeal to tell all will be too strong to resist, and people will proliferate this thing even without prompting. And they have. If you answered these questions and put them in your Facebook notes, you have perpetuated a chain letter, junked up your notes, and probably ended up revealing a lot more information to way more people than you realized, and that's assuming anybody would be interested in the first place.

How important and interesting is this thing really?

Maybe it's important to you and your spouse, in which case, why not keep it between the two of you? Email yourself and your spouse a copy, print it out and frame it if you so desire and mount it on your kitchen, bathroom, basement or bedroom wall, but take my word for it, no one else wants to see this stuff clogging your Facebook notes and telling a bunch of information better kept private.
--

Before answering any of these questions in a public note, maybe you should be asking some questions of your own.

Do you really want all your 500 Facebook friends to know all of these details? Are your Facebook notes set so that only your friends can view them, or do friends of friends, or even all of Facebook have access? Don't you realize that getting tagged in a note you actually wrote that is not a viral scheme is a lot more fun and personal than getting tagged out of obligation to a chain letter?

What makes you think anyone is going to care and be bothered to read anything from you when it becomes clear you are a sucker for every stupid chain note meme survey to cross your monitor?

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Are You A Friend?

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 15:39:51 -0800

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AreYouAFriend.mp3 (2929 KB)

Fw: Are you a friend?

-Oh, brother!

-People, please stop allowing chain letters to make you doubt who your friends are and what kind of friend you are by dictating your online lives.

-This is a con job and everybody who has passed on this chain letter has been had!

-The goal of this insulting thing is to get everybody forwarding it on wildly. This particular chain just calls it "tagging." It's not tag. . It's junk with the word "friend" plastered all over it to look cuter and nicer than the viral waste it actually is.

TAG YOU'RE IT!!

-Like millions of other victims of this so-called friendship chain letter spam. I repeat, it is not a game of tag! It's the same thing as those good luck or love chain letters that tell you you'll be a millionaire and mary the world's most awsome crush of your life by passing on a billion copies, or threatens to make your life lousy if you refuse! The only difference between those chain letters and this one is the emotional angle. In this case, it's the "Friend! Tag! You're it!" schlock.

YOU HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED ONE OF MY SWEETEST FRIENDS ON MY LIST.

-Right, like the thousands of people this thing was sent to, I feel so incredibly special and I really believe that...Not!

This thing is obnoxious for another reason, it shouts. Everything is in all upper case. It's very bad manners to pass on chain letters. It's considered bad manners to write in all upper case as well.

ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED YOU HAVE TO TAG 5 OF YOUR SWEETEST FRIENDS AND LET THEM KNOW THEY A RE SWEET.

-Translation: Once somebody has spammed your inbox with this chain letter, it tells you to spam 5 people with copies, helping it to continue mass-producing.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.

-This is exactly what I mean when I say this chain letter is insulting. What coward actually originated it and who gave them the right to call me or any of my friends, or anyone else with enough common sense not to fall for it and spam their contacts with this dreck a fake friend?

-Here's a hint on real as opposed to fake friends.

-Fake friends would rather pass on chain letters than write something themselves.

-Real friends know not to spread deceptive coercive viral junkmail to their friends.

Send this to at least 5 people including me if u care.

-So, if I don't spam the person and five others with this piece of junk, that must mean I am a fake friend who doesn't care.

-Seriously, people, THINK! Do you really want to attempt to blackmail your friends into clogging up the net and sending you back tons of copies of this damn thing mascarading as a game of tag while calling you a fake friend who doesn't care about their friends?

Friends don't send friends this kind of crap!

If you wake up in a red room with no windows and doors,
DON'T panic..you're just in my heart!!!

-That is so lame, even a ten-year-old boy could write something more entertaining!

Send this to all the friend s you want to keep forever...

-Wrong. If you want to keep your friends forever, DO NOT send it to them!

If you get 7 back you are LOVED!!!

-Pile of rubbish! If anybody is ever unfortunate enough to get 7 copies of this stupid thing back, that just means there were 7 people on their junkmail-forwarding list who are easily manipulated, easily fooled, or both.

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A Bunch of Questions...Share

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 12:54:48 -0800

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BunchOfQuestionsShare.mp3 (2964 KB)

The Bunch of Questions...Share Chain Letter

This chain comes on the heels of the infamous "25 Random Things About Me" Facebook meme, but it asks specific yet very meaningless questions.

It uses cunning strategies to get the mad pointless notes and tagging going.

1. The title.

"a Bunch of Questions...Share" or "Because I know you don't know how to ask...Share" or some other title with the word "share"

Why "share?"

This is all part of the big deception. Viral chain originators don't want people catching on to the fact that they are letting themselves get controled and manipulated to fill the internet with copies, sometimes mutated copies, of their junk. So "spamming" is called "sharing" in this scheme.

Already the word "share" in the title works to break down a reader's defenses. After all, sharing is generous, and everybody wants to be associated with such a lovely generous act.

2. The challenge and assumption of a person's character and ability.

"It is harder than you think!!"

This statement is apparently so important that it is followed by 2 exclamation marks.

Let's look at what it is actually saying.

It is telling you that it knows what you're thinking, and you are probably not capable of answering a "bunch" of questions such as the first one in this chain "Where is your cell phone?" the sort found in every other chain survey there is, and a very "hard" task indeed!

3. The blackmail.

"Here is what you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun..."

So, before the demands are even specified, you are told that doing this thing is "fun" and if you refuse to do it, you are "spoiling the fun. This is being said to insure you will not want to be thought of as a fun-spoiler and you will follow this thing to the letter, right to the tagging stages.

Please keep in mind this viral already assumes you aren't capable of much, and that you will believe clogging up cyberspace with more survey chains is "sharing" as opposed to spamming.

4. The demands.

"copy and paste into your own note, type in your answers and tag a bunch of people - including me."

If everyone did that, they would get tagged over and over again in the same chain note by "a bunch" of Facebook friends unable to break this terrible habbit.

What followed was a "bunch" of questions typical of all meaningless chain letter surveys.

To sum it up, you are probably doing a much harder task by resisting the "bunch" and resistance does not make you guilty of "spoiling the fun."

You could spoil the fun for someone else if you do the survey and tag them. Who really wants to be tagged in a note that doesn't even mention them, and was just done because somebody felt obligated to meet the dictates of a meme?

Yes, you to, can say "no" to the "bunch."

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25 Random Things About Me

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 14:35:56 -0800

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25Things.mp3 (3880 KB)

I'm one of a very tiny minority who spotted the latest obnoxious 25 things tagging meme Facebook chain letter note for what it is and refuse to do it.

I've been tagged by a couple of people and have subsequently removed myself from their chain notes without even bothering to read them. I want to see real notes, not a bunch of chain letters in people's blogs and Facebook notes and don't understand why more people don't realize a hard sell:

"The rules are you must tag x number of friends" really = "Pass it on!" It's manipulation, and the hook in this case is the appeal of a time-waster that for some odd reason, people think is fun and interesting.

Blech.

"You've just been tagged!"

Oh, cool, (goes to check out note,) only to find there was not even a mention of me in it, and I was just one of 25 tag-victims for a chain letter because some friend felt obligated to make their quota and tag x number of people!

Gee, thanks for not really thinking of me, friend, thanks for contributing to the vast wasteland of cyber junk out there yet again, friend, and thanks for showing how well you assimulate into the chain letter-forwarding masses again and again, friend, thanks a lot! Not.

I will not do the 25 things 'tagg game' which really isn't a game, some people just call it that so it looks less like a chain letter, but that doesn't change what it is.

If you get a note that has any "rules" "suggestions" or "instructions" etc. to follow that means passing it along via the tag or the forward button, that should set off warning bells. It's a chain note and rest assured, most everybody else is unfortunately doing it or has already done it!

Like the Fun Space Super Wall spam, 25 things has been clogging up Facebook profiles and feeds so there is no getting away from it. Even if you don't do the chain, a look at a friend's profile will show the friend has either done it or has been tagged by other people who have.

If you were taken in by this meme or any other and are regretting it, deleting such viral entries from your blog will remedy the problem. In addition, it is encouraged to remove yourself from tagging by friends in all things viral.

You are not slighting anyone by taking a stand against memes and other forms of obligatory spam. Contrary to what some people seem to believe, it is not rude to break a meme.

So let's do what we can to send 25 Things back from wence it came, never to return.

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Encyclopedia Dramatica

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 03:59:31 -0800

Download now or listen on posterous

ED.mp3 (5659 KB)

Host of episode:
"Encyclopedia Dramatica."

Reporter:
"The encyclopedia Dramatica is a wanna-be wiki site that claims to be about humor, and has one of the most unlikely names."

North American woman:
"'encyclopedia' dramatica - is anything BUT!"

Reporter:
"Its webmasters are insanely envious of the real encyclopedia wiki known as Wikipedia, whose administrators and supporters stood up to them in the face of abuse. Encyclopedia Dramatica has been all bent out of shape over it since."

Encyclopedia Dramatica on the subject of Wikipedia:
"They are fascists!"

Ex-member banned from ED, pointing out their hypocrisy:
"Fascists? Give me a break! I had my account for maybe 24 hours - they didn't like what I did to some of their pages.""

Reporter:
"She was banned from Encyclopedia Dramatica for deleting offensive content including links to some of their cherished photoshopped porn pictures. This makes the administrators at Encyclopedia Dramatica fascists by their own definition."

"The ban notice referred to the ban as a rape. Encyclopedia Dramatica admins joke about and refer to banning as rape, and this indicates they identify with rapists, so, appear to encourage it as well, and have no compassion or understanding toward people who have been raped."

"This adds more insult to injury for people who have been effected by rape directly or indirectly."

"A survivor of such a demeaning brutal attack has this to say."

Irish woman:
"There are some things that should never be encouraged or treated as a joke. Once you go through something like that, you're never the same."

Reporter:
A die-hard Encyclopedia Dramatica fan expresses the attitude she and the site share.

North American Encyclopedia Dramatica fangirl:
"Well, it's all relative, isn't it? Okay maybe getting tortured, or losing a family member was tough on them but - MY SUGGESTION to these people: get a sense of humor! Get a life! So what if they been through bad stuff? We all have! For instance, last week...The electronics store didn't have the high-def TV I wanted."

Australian woman:
"It's a site for trolls, spammers, hoaxters and bullies. It's all about getting laughs at the emotional expense of other people. There was even a hoax about Encyclopedia Dramatica shutting down unless the site received enough money to keep it going."
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Forum:ED_is_the_worst

North American woman:
"Encyclopedia Dramatica was behind that disgusting 'Megan Had It Coming blog, a sick hoax site impersonating somebody involved in cyber-bullying that lead to a suicide."
http://www.mycrimespace.com/2007/12/10/megan-had-it-coming-is-a-hoax-part-iii-hoax-confirmed/

Encyclopedia Dramatica trolls: "I did it for the lulz."
"I did it for the lulz. Desu desu!"
"I did it for the lulz!"
"I did it for the lulz!"

Australian man:
"Take the worst juvenile behavior and the most obnoxious drunken redneck speech, and you have Encyclopedia Dramatica, 4chan, ebaum, anonymous and something awful.com, all doing it for the lulz."

North American woman mocks Encyclopedia Dramatica's pledge of Allegiance:
"'In lulz we trust!' Have you ever heard anything so stupid?"

Trolls and bullies reciting some of their jibberish:
"Desu desu!"
"Fap!"
"Fap!"
"Lulz lulz lulz lulz lulz lulz!"
"Dong!"

North American woman:
"How cute, how cool...How intelligent, how inspiring! How original, how mature. How impressive and profound! ... Not!

Reporter:
"So What is lulz?"

British man:
"Lulz, is a corruption of LOL, the internet acronym for laughing out loud. This isn't ordinary laughing out loud like normal people do online. Lulz is viral bullying and the malevolent cackling by these idiotic internet trolls. They go out of their way to harass and provoke anyone they think they can hog-tie by the emotions, rake them over the coals, laugh at the hurt reactions they get, post these hurt responses on their stupid web sites along with more ridicule. The more reaction these self-enamoured gits can get, the more they cackle. The more they laugh and ridicule, the more emotional reactions they get, and the more they mock. And it's all done very publically with loads of cussing and faked up or stolen and ripped off pictures used in their massive hate and insult campaigns."

North American woman:
"They have this really - weird, stupid lingo..."

Trolls from Encyclopedia Dramatica and associated sites:
"Desu desu!"
"Fap fap fap"
"Butthurt butthurt!"
(censor beep)

British woman:
"Fapping is what they do when they look in the mirror."

Troll: falls all over a mirror, kissing it passionately.

British woman continues to explain:
"It's their term for getting turned on."

"Desu is a Japanese word that can mean different things depending on who's using it and how it's being used. Whether it's supposed to be cute, or the Japanese version of Nana-nana boo-boo, it looks and sounds ridiculous tacked on the end of an English phrase."

"Butthurt is their term for over-reacting to a real or imagined slight."

Reporter:
"It also explains the flaming glow of the posteriors through their clothes, from having their butts hurt as a result of getting themselves banned and blacklisted from other sites."

Troll:
"Butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt!"

Australian woman:
"If anyone actually believed the shut-down hoax and sent money to save the site, they deserved to lose their money."

Effects of realization at being suckered kicking in:
Poke
STU-PID!
BONK

Troll fan taken in by hoax:
"BUTT HURT!"

Australian woman:
"Encyclopedia Dramatica needs to go."

Fangirl:
"They are the best site, ever!"

North American woman:
"They stink!"

North American woman:
"Yes, their behavior is disgusting."

Fangirl:
"They are the realest, most honest web site in the world!"

North American woman:
"Yank it...Banish it to the depths of cyber-hell. Let it burn..."

Fangirl:
"No - they should never go away...and definitely absolutely never get shut down! That would like - DESTROY the whole world, as we know it!"

trolls: babbling, drooling, eating noisily, passing wind, breaking things, all sorts of ill-mannered things, finishing with a tremendous show of butthurt.

Host of episode:
"Beware that Encyclopedia Dramatica is a troll-friendly zone, Upon entering that site, be sure to leave all intelligence and humanity at the door."

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Six Hundred Angels? No Thanks!

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:16:06 -0800

Download now or listen on posterous

SixHundredMillionAngels.mp3 (2887 KB)

From: a forward addict who should have learned better by now.
To: a long list of people!
Subject: FW: cool

-No, not cool!

!talk soon!Sined the forwarder's name

-No, that doesn't make it any less a chain letter, and if that's the best you can do for a personal note, barely a sentense attached to a stupid forward, you are really sad!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: somebody I never heard of but was obviously a sucker for the chain and sent it to their own list of spam recipients including the sad sack who forwarded it to me.
To: their long list of people to send this junk to.
Subject: FW: cool

-Still not cool!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From:
Another idiot up the chain.
To: another list of people.
Subject: FW: cool

-Not cool. Not cool, are you getting this?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Another sucker up the chain.
Subject: FW: cool

-Listen carefully. This, is, not, cool!

God has seen you struggling,

-Struggling to keep from throwing my computer every time somebody falls for this crud!

Look, God doesn't do chain letters, God doesn't work through chain letters!

God says it's over.

-God has nothing to do with this chain letter, and wouldn't it be nice if it was really over? All the gullibility that is! If it was really over, no one would believe and pass on these dumb chain letters just because some cheesy sayings that mention God are in them! You know the headlight gang thing is a hoax, or you should. And you are not going to save a dying kid named Amy Bruce or Jessica Mydek or whatever the heck she or he calls themself, by passing on a forward! The kid never did and never will exist, and no internet service provider will track your forwards and give 2 cents to some charity for every stupid chain letter you spam into your friends' email or Facebook etc. No religious friendship forward will make you a better Christian or show anyone else you are a better Christian or bless you and your friends if you pass it along. It's just a big lie, and probably made up by some stupid anti-Christian twit who wanted to fool the whole internet and make everybody pass along some worthless badly written, or stolen and ripped off something they put into the chain letter to get a huge laugh at the expense of all the religious but easily manipulated people!

A blessing is coming your way.

-I have news for you, this chain letter is definitely NOT it!

I AM GIVING YOU 600 MILLION ANGELS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU,

Gosh, what does that say about your opinion of me? I'm such a total epic failure that you think I require a whole army of angels just to take care of me? Gee, thanks, pal!

-By the way, you're not God, so you can't really send angels and command them to take care of anybody.

SEND THEM TO 10 FRIENDS, INCLUDING ME

-No, look, you don't need 600 MILLION copies of this stupid chain letter, and I'm not going to annoy the heck out of ten of my friends with this garbage! If everybody did what this stupid thing says, it would take over and crash the whole internet!

AND YOU WILL HAVE GOOD NEWS IN 10 MINUTES.

-As if some stupid chain letter can actually blip something good within ten minutes of getting forwarded, please, get some sense!

PLEASE DON'T IGNORE

-Please stop falling for this crap!

YOU ARE BEING TESTED.

-That's for sure, and not in a good way! You have tested my patience among other things! Friends don't test friends.

-Friends don't send friends chain letters!

-By the way, angels don't live in chain letters, and they don't pass on chain letters either.

Be an angel. Stop sending chain letter forwards to anyone!

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New Year Calendar Birthday Chain Letter

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 00:36:10 -0800

From: somebody who should know better
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
-Yet again.
Subject: : Birthdays 2009

-As if those info collecting web site birthday calendars aren't already lame enough, this is a birthday collecting chain letter!

Live well, love much and laugh often!

-I do, and I don't need chain letters telling me to, in fact, they make me want to do anything but laugh, and don't make me feel particularly loving toward the people who insist on passing them around.

2009 Birthdays (DO NOT DELETE)

-Yes, 2009 was when I first received this chain letter, but it is sure to crop up again and again every new year. Oh, and yes, it's perfectly safe to delete this chain letter. It will not erase your memory so that you'll forget your friends' birthdays or your own for that matter. It won't give you bad luck or erase your calendar if you delete it. It won't make you and your friend have a happier birthday if you do what it says, including and most importantly, passing it along to everybody!

Let's have some fun!

-Let's get something straight, shall we? Forwarding chain letters isn't having fun. Getting chain letters isn't having fun.

See how long it gets and where this goes.

-Translation: Pass it on to absolutely as many people as you can, and make sure I get a copy back! That's right, people, that is the whole and only real goal of this thing, to be copied and spread, copied and spread all over the net, repeatedly. The birthday thing is just a hook, and sorry friend, you just got suckered by a chain letter.

This will be our big 2009 email to pass.

-And then 2010, then 2011, you get the idea, it will come again and again.

Give it a go! 364 Birthdays!

-No. I don't know a person with a birthday for each day of the year. Even if I did, I wouldn't put their names and birthdays into this stupid chain letter! Not only that, it's not like the chain letter originator or the poor sap who forwarded it to me knows the same people as me let alone somebody for every day of the calendar year. That completely discredits this chain letter for the manipulative junk it is right there. So that is that.

This is kind of cool!

-Just because a chain letter says it's kind of cool sure doesn't mean it is. In fact, it's more than kind of dumb!

Out of all of the billions of people who live in the world, there has to be somebody born on each date of the year.

-Well no kidding! But this chain letter isn't going to make you know them all!

We are going to try to accomplish the task of seeing if we can fill the calendar up with a birthday on every day of the year.

-That's already been done, by people being born every day of the year! You won't know them all by filling out and spamming people with a junk chain letter! You won't be hurt and you won't miss out on anything by not knowing them! You could get hurt by participating in this chain letter and your information gets into the wrong hands!

Add your name (NO LAST names) and your city / province (or state) next to your birth date to the list below. Then, send this list to all your friends, plus the person who sent it to you! Don't forget to erase the previous forwarded address before clicking "Send".

-And put your email address, location and part of your name out there in cyberspace for absolutely everybody and anybody who gets this chain letter, and by the way, requesting copies back is stupid. If everybody did that, the net would crash because of all the junk chain letters! If you want to slow the net to a slither, and risk having millions of strangers get your email address, first name, location, and birth date, which is all identity thieves and spammers need to make your life a living nightmare, then by all means, participate in this stupid chain letter and do everything it says! If you're smart, you won't do it!

Let's see if we can do it!! Forward it, just hit the forward button then you can add your name beside the date. If someone has already put their name in the slot for the date of your birthday, please just add your name beside it and DO NOT DELETE THAT PERSON'S NAME!!!

-Whatever. No, don't forward it, don't even fill it out. Just delete it.

Jan. 1 =

-And on it goes with the dates from the first of January to the thirty-first of December. Some names and locations were there, but whether they are for real or just inserted to look real by the chain letter originator, or actually filled out by people sucked into doing this forward, I don't know. In any case, this chain letter is a very bad idea, it's nothing but an info collector, bandwidth waster, internet clogger, it is anything but kind of big fun cool!

-When the new year comes around, how about making the best resolution of all, one that could benefit you and your friends in so many ways! Make a resolution to stop spreading chain letters!

Download now or listen on posterous

BirthdayChainLetter.mp3 (4272 KB)

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A Girl Asked A Guy

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:00:19 -0800

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.

She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....

You're not pretty you're beautiful.

I don’t want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.

And I wouldn’t cry if you walked away...I'd die...

-If the girl wasn't so insecure that she needed to swell her ego by fishing for compliments, and the guy wasn't such a half-witted head-gaming jerk, you wouldn't have bored and annoyed me with this stupid little story.

Send this to everyone on your list.......isn't that sweet?

-Yeah, sickly saccharin sweet, and I will not send it to anyone on my list, whatever list that might be.

I like you because of who you are to me.

-And that would be nothing more than one of many people you think deserve to get this phony sappy junk I suppose.

You are a true friend, if I don't get this back I'll take a hint.

-You don't even know me, and you have no idea about what a true friend is. Here's a big hint for you. True friends don't try to coerce people to send stupid chain letters back to them with threats of ending the friendship if they don't get it back. A true friend wouldn't send chain letters in the first place.

Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you.

-Actually if I had a true love, he would know he loved me. Obviously you have no idea what a true love is either. Oh, and no chain letter will bore into the head of somebody and suddenly take over their mind to make them like you at midnight.

Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4: 00pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere , yahoo, outside of school, anywhere.

-No chain letter can make anything good happen to me anywhere. It has obviously done something very bad to you already, or you wouldn't have sent it to anyone or posted it on the web as if you actually believe in it.

get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

-There's nothing shocking about this chain letter, other than the sheer idiocy of it all and that anyone would actually believe in it.

If you break this chain letter you will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten years.

-No chain letter can curse or improve any of my relationships. If there is a curse at all, it falls on the people who believe in this junk and pass it along or post it on the web. It's called the curse of gullibility. If you don't want to be cursed with a reputation of being a few bricks short of a load, don't send the chain letter to anyone or post it on the web because you actually thought it was sweet.

If you send 15ppl this in 15 min you're safe

-Wrong. Sending it to 15 people wouldn't make me safe, it would make me a moron.

You are Everything To Somebody Right now at this very minute-----------

-If that's true, somebody needs to get over me a little.

someone is very proud of you

-They ought to be. I live my life the best way I know how, and I don't spread stupid chain letters.

someone is thinking of you

-Someone is thinking this chain letter could hardly get any more generic and mushy.

someone cares about you

-That's nice, but I still won't pass this forward on.

someone misses you

-If they do, they can send me a personal note or give me a phone call, they won't show me they miss me by sending me chain letters.

someone wants to talk to you

-If that's true, they can always call me or connect with me on audio chat.

someone wants to be with you

-If that's true, they can get in touch with me, and not use a chain letter to do it.

someone hopes you aren't in trouble

-Why would someone even get such an idea?

someone is thankful for the support you have provided

-So they're welcome to get in touch and let me know, not by passing on a forward.

someone wants to hold your hand

-Right...

someone hopes everything turns out all right

-Why wouldn't it? Because I refuse to spam my friends with this chain letter? Please.

someone wants you to be happy

-So make me happy and stop believing and spreading this nonsense.

someone wants you to find them

-Sorry, I don't know anyone who is lost.

someone is celebrating your successes

-Yeah, me.

someone wants to give you a gift

-They're welcome to, but make sure it isn't a chain letter.

someone think you ARE a gift

-'Thinks'.

someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

-Yeah, me.

someone wants to hug you

-They're welcome to, as long as they're family and friends.

someone loves you

-I know.

someone wants to lavish you with small gifts

-If they do, I'll return the favor, as long as the gifts don't include chain letters.

someone admires your strength

-Yeah, now if only other people had the strength not to believe in chain letters.

someone is thinking of you and smiling

-Maybe, but not because this chain letter says so.

someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on

-Then they're welcome to be, when I need it, and not because this chain letter says so.

someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

-If they do, I'm just an email or phone call away.

someone thinks the world of you

-Yeah right.

someone wants to protect you

-That has everything to do with friends and family instinct, and not because a chain letter says so.

someone would do anything for you

-Not likely.

someone wants to be forgiven

-Of course, but sending this chain letter is not going to do it.

someone is grateful for your forgiveness

-And not because a chain letter says so.

someone wants to laugh with you about old times

-And they're welcome to.

someone remembers you and wishes you were there

-Maybe, or not. Whoever wrote this chain letter really has no idea since they don't even know me.

someone needs to know that your love is unconditional

-Anybody who knows me knows that already. I'm not going to prove my love by passing on a chain letter.

somebody values your advice

-Oh?

someone wants to tell you how much they care

-If that's true, they're welcome to, and not by sending chain letters.

someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you

-Not likely.

someone wants to share their dreams with you

-If that was true, they'd let me know, and not via chain letter.

someone wants to hold you in their arms

-Oh?

someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms

-Oh?

someone treasures your spirit

-Yeah, me.

someone wishes they could STOP time because of you

Not likely! Please, cut the over-the-top fake flattery, it's really beyond pathetic.

someone can't wait to see you

-Says who?

someone wishes that things didn't have to change

-Yeah, me sometimes. There are things I wish would change, starting with every chain letter dying out.

someone loves you for who you are

-I know.

someone loves the way you make them feel

-I'm not aware how I make others feel unless they tell me, and no, this forward doesn't do it.

someone wants to be with you

-Didn't you say that already?

someone hears a song that reminds them of you

-That is possible at some point in time.

someone wants you to know they are there for you

-Didn't you cover that in the "Someone cares about you" statement somewhere above?

someone is glad that you're their friend

-Good, they can show that by writing me personal notes, arranging to get together with me, etc.

someone wants to be your friend

-Yeah, funny how that sometimes happens.

someone stayed up all night thinking about you

-I'm pretty sure no one has done that recently.

someone is alive because of you

-Yeah, me.

someone is wishing that you would notice them

-Right, well, all they'd have to do is get in touch.

someone wants to get to know you better

-And who would that be?

someone believes that you are their soul mate

-Usually when people get that stuck on you, it's probably a good idea to stand up and run. I don't believe in that soul mate stuff anyway.

someone wants to be near you

-If that's true, they can get in touch and arrange to get together.

someone misses your guidance and advice

-Har har har!

someone values your guidance and advice

-You know, you could have put "misses" and "values" in the same sentense. But again, har har har.

someone has faith in you

-Sure, but not because a chain letter says so.

someone trusts you

-Well, I haven't given anyone reason not to lately.

someone needs you to send them this letter

-And that's what this whole phony butter-up build up was really all about. You see, I understand how chain letters work. I'm not impressed by any emotional angle they use, including this huge load.

So, here's a few "Someone" sayings for you, the chain letter originator, and anyone who actually believes it.

-Someone thinks you're a manipulative twat.

-Someone thinks your nose has grown so long that it has wrapped itself around everyone who falls for this phony gunk.

-Someone thinks you're an idiot.

-Someone thinks you're annoying.

-Someone thinks you're inconsiderate.

-Someone wants to take away your computer because you spread and post chain letters like this.

-Someone is embarrassed and ashamed of you for passing on this chain and thinking it makes a friendship.

-Someone thinks if you valued and missed them and anything they say at all, you wouldn't originate and spread chain letters.

-Someone cares about you enough to discourage you from making a jerk of yourself by passing on chain letters.

-Someone is self-assured enough not to take any generic feel-good sayings in a sappy chain letter to heart or at face value.

-Someone will not believe and pass on this chain letter.

-Someone will rip it apart and expose it for the junk it is, since it seems necessary to do so.

someone needs your support

-You already said that.

someone needs you to have faith in them

-Someone needs to stop spreading chain letters, then the faith will come.

someone needs you to let them be your friend

-You already said that.

someone will cry when they read this

-Sadly, that's probably true enough, and the ones overcome with emotion so that they cry are easily manipulated into passing the junk along. There's another reason one might cry, from laughter, but honestly, this chain letter is just too pathetic and hokey to even be funny.

SEND THIS ON TO SOMEONE SPECIAL

-No, and stop with the caplock. I don't treat anyone this way, let alone someone special. I don't spam my special friends or anyone else.

send this to 0-1 people, your life will -not- be short and terrible

-since no chain letter on a computer screen, by postal mail or any other medium can actually do anything to your life either way.

1-5 people you will -not- meet someone special

5-10 people you will -not- meet your soul mate

10-15 people you will -not be happy

-because of the chain letter.

15-20 people you will -not marry and be happy

-because you forwarded a bullshart message.

20 or more you will -not marry that one special person in your life.

-Because no chain letter will blip a spouse into existence for you whether you forward it to a gazillion people or not. And what about the people who are already married? If the stupid chain letter actually worked as claimed, the unfortunate person who received it would have to decide which spouse was their one and only true soul mate! And then there are those who aren't even looking for a relationship, marriage or otherwise. What does this chain letter offer for them in its bogus claims? Two choices, forward it to tons of people and get a spouse you don't want, or refuse to forward and get cursed with a short terrible life, with the doofus who sent you the chain in the first place getting mad and sulky, disowning you as a friend because you didn't send them a copy back. For those who are easily moved by seemingly warm fuzzy "You are so special!" sayings, do not believe any that come in chain letters. They have been sent not only to you, but to everybody on the contact list of the idiot who sent you a copy,
-and that is not the only branch of the chain letter. This is why you will see it cropping up in various forms, all over the net. That's right, it is a viral ego-swelling infomercial, a canned message. And what it's selling is the idea that you must pass it along to as many people as possible, that is it. It's just using the angle "You are so special and so cared about!" stuff to reel you in for the hard "Pass it on!" sell. The price you pay for passing it along? Your reputation gets tarnished, and you'll annoy somebody, who probably won't want to say anything and hurt your feelings, so they'll keep quiet, and you'll probably go on sending junk like this without actually knowing how it is vexing at least some of your contacts.

-Armed with this enlightenment, you too can kick the chain letter habit without any guilt or fear of losing your friends or your life!

Download now or listen on posterous

AGirlAskedAGuy.wma (5726 KB)

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Miss you

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 04:48:21 -0800

Be honest, if u really like someone right now, and miss them right at this moment, and can't get them out of your head, then re-post this titled "if you miss someone, read this", within one minute, and whoever you are missing, will surprise you tomorrow

-Nonsense. This chain letter is not going to magically make anybody surprise me. They might seriously annoy and disappoint me if they forward a chain letter. If I miss someone as much as you describe, I'm not going to repost a sappy chain letter. I'll contact them instead with a personally written note or phone call.

When I miss you, sometimes I listen to music or look at pictures of you, not to remind me of you but to make me feel as if I'm with you. It makes me forget the distance and capture you.
-- James

-That's nice, James, but it's also a way of reminding you of whoever you miss.

You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind... I Miss You!
-- Anonymous

-Anonymous, you scare me. I don't even know you.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.-- Albert Camus

-That wasn't Albert Camus, it was George Sand and you even misquoted her.

-It isn't

"Just walk beside me and be my friend."

-It goes like this.

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." - George Sand.

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~ Helen Keller

-It's doubtful that came from Helen Keller, who never even knew light. I haven't found anything yet to prove or disprove if she wrote or said this, but will remain skeptical until I get proof one way or another.

-Chain letters often toss around supposedly inspirational quotes, and falsely attribute them to famous people so you'll get duped into believing you are passing on something really special!

Angels exist but sometimes they don't have wings. We call them FRIENDS.

-That is so cheesy, in a stinky not a yummy way. Typical mush you see in chain letter forwards.

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MissYou.mp3 (1928 KB)

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"I 'Rescued' Your Dog Today" Yeah, right...

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:56:00 -0800

The "I Rescued Your Dog Today" poem.

It is a tug-at-the-heart manipulation chain letter poem that isn't what it seems to be at face value.

The Dissection of the Self-Righteous, Animal Owner-Hating, Ego-Puffing Doggy Rescue - urh, uh, *COUGH!* Poem! *Choke gag cough sputter* A-HEM! The post itself is in quotes.

*Puts on IQ-o-meter to prevent it from dipping too low due to exposure to this monitor-melting, keyboard-burning, visual and auditory-exsanguinating, mind-numbing piece of crap!* Here goes!

* * *

"I 'Rescued' Your Dog Today"

-Yeah Right...

"I Rescued Your Dog Today"

-You mean you bought a dog from the pound that was either 1. taken from some innocent person by animal welfare zealots in a raid, or 2. The animal had to be relinquished because of circumstances beyond its loving owner's control, and he or she couldn't find anyone to take the animal.

"A rescuers poem:"

-If you can call it that. That'll be the day when ego-puffing, ranting against animal owners and shedding crocodile tears for show over some fictional dog becomes real poetry.

"I rescued your Dog today...
The one you left at the pound,
The one you had for five years,
And then no longer wanted around!"

-What sort of creep, stalks an animal owner for five years, then dumps on them for taking their animal to the pound because their life changed, with the addition of someone in the home becoming acutely allergic to the dog, or they got a new landlord that would evict them in two weeks if they didn't get rid of the dog, or the owner became gravely ill and couldn't take care of the dog, and no one else wanted it?

-So, o' big-hearted so-called "rescuer" if you hung around this person for five years, why did you wait to speak up when this poor person was so desperately trying to get their animal placed? Why is it that there was not a lift of a finger or a peep from you to help them out, and even take the dog until they gave up and took it to the pound? You kept quiet, watching this animal owner's frantic struggle to keep their head above water and try to place the dog. You said and did absolutely nothing, and you lay in wait until you were sure they had given up the dog to the pound, so you could scream "You didn't want your dog! Look at me, I'm the big-hearted rescuer, saving your 5 year old dog from certain death at the pound!"

"I rescued your Dog today...
Do you know that he's lost weight?"

-Well, considering you were probably among those who were always harping at everybody to put their dogs on a diet and stem what you view as an obesity problem, should it be all that much of a surprise that somebody listened and changed their dog's diet to please you? So now you're not pleased after all, because my gosh, the owner had to take it to the pound, which must mean without an inkling of a doubt in your eyes that the owner was starving the dog before taking it to the pound.

"Do you know that he's scared and confused
And has lost all of his faith?"

-Uh, "faith?" What faith would that be, Christianity, Islam, Jewdaism, Hindewism, Bhudism, Sikhism, or paganism or atheism? The point is, this is A DOG you're talking about. Dogs don't have faith, that's a human concept. It's swellheaded, assuming jerks like you who make people lose faith, especially in their fellow human beings.

-But of course the dog is scared and confused, he's at the pound because YOU let him go there! You couldn't be bothered to help the unfortunate owner you knew for five years or more out, when he/she was looking to place the dog, remember?

"I rescued your Dog today...
He had fleas and a terrible cold,"

-Because you said nothing and offered no assistance when the dog owner was in trouble trying to place the dog. You caused that kennel cough and those animal pound fleas.

"But don't you worry yourself -
You've unburdened YOUR load."

-And you will give that unfortunate person who had to give up their dog plenty to worry about, you will spread your self-agrandizing tale of dog-heroism to anyone who will listen to you and those who are narrow-minded and idiot enough to hang on every word you say. You will do your bit to damage and condemn someone to hell for having to give up a dog. You will pack a strong enough emotional wallop, hoping to create a pack of animal rescuer-worshiping drones who will snarl, hiss, roar and bear their teeth at the mere mention of this unfortunate person you failed to help on purpose until they resorted to taking their dog to the pound.

"I rescued your Dog today...
Were you having a baby or moving away?"

-If you had known the owner and the dog for five years, you would've known their situation and done the decent thing by taking the dog at the first sign of distress from the owner at not being able to place it, and hating to part with it all at the same time. You didn't. You waited, strategically, until the dog was at the pound so you could buy it and fund the animal raid people, and then start making up terrible stories about how bad you think this owner was.

"Did he suddenly get too big?"

-After five years, I don't think so, and you just said the dog lost weight. That doesn't add up to "suddenly getting too big." You can't even keep your pathetic story straight in your attempt to muddy this innocent person into the ground for having to give up a dog!

"Or was there some other reason he couldn't stay?"

-You would have known the owner's situation, and you did. You've been watching the owner and their dog for five years, remember?

"I rescued your Dog today...
He doesn't play or eat very much."

-What do you expect in a strange environment? You're not his familiar owner.

"He's very wary and depressed right now"

-Of course he's wary. All animals are in a new environment. The dog was just as wary once before, when first in his owner's home, the one who kept him five years and then circumstances rudely intervened, circumstances which you made sure to exacerbate for the sake of your own ego.

"But, with time, will learn again to trust."

-If you are even half as good to him as his previous owner was. Hint, tear yourself away from your computer and the mirror once in a while.

"I rescued your Dog today...
And right here he will stay."

-Unless the time comes when you're in a situation where you can't care for him, and don't assume that can't happen to you. Then, who will have your back when the next "rescuer" uses this dog or some other animal you have to part with against you in their malicious stories designed to rip your character to shreds?

"He's found his forever home"

-You can't guarantee a "forever home." No one can.

"And a warm bed on which to lay."

-Just like the one at his previous owner's.

"I rescued your Dog today...
I will give him all that he could need -"

-So did the person you exploited when failing to help them place their dog until you were sure the situation had reached rock bottom.

"With patience, love, and understanding.
Hopefully, he forgets your selfish deed!"

-Hopefully, one day you will be faced with a situation beyond your control, and you will know what it's like to be unable to care for this dog. Then someone else might come along who is better suited to take him, perhaps even the previous owner's circumstances could change so he/she could get the dog back, although it is unlikely you would ever let that happen. So, for now, With fear and trembling, this dog is right to be very afraid to be in a home with you, you who show no compassion to a person you stalked for five years, you, who said nothing and did nothing until you made sure that owner had to relinquish that dog to the pound, you, who now sit on an animal "rescuer"'s throne of self-righteous judgement against all people forced to give up a dog for any reason. Thank God I am not your dog! Thank God you are not God.

"I rescued your Dog today!"

-You stalked and treated somebody you knew for at least five years like trash, and you caused terrible stress for them and their dog as a result. Give yourself a pat on the back and swell your ego some more! YOU, ARE AN ANIMAL RESCUER!

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When A Girl Part 2

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:46:12 -0800

If I hadn't already posted the debunk of the longer version of the "When a Girl or Guy Calls You" chain letter complete with background music,
http://netizen.posterous.com/mangled-messages-from-muddled

I would remake the project and include this bit.

So, here is part two of "When a Girl."

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games

-or

When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.

-More likely she's just seen you do something outragious.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

-Er, no! If that's the case, guys, get out, quick! Seriously, I'm not that self-centered. If I want to see someone every day, it means I genuinely like them and do not wish to be pampered.

When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.

-While that would be true in my case, it sadly isn't true with at least some girls that just manipulate people's emotions to get what they want.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person...

-You don't have to spend it with anyone if you don't want to.

Find a guy... who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

-No, because as I've said before, 'beautiful' is just a more PC way of saying 'hot if the guy just wants to get with you, unless you are already in a secure relationship with a guy who loves you.

who calls you back when you hang up on him.

-No thanks. What if that guy is a stalker?

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.

-Unless you're not looking for a relationship.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

-In other words, a guy who likes you the way you are, fine, if you want a relationship.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

-That's up to personal preference, maybe you might or might not be the type to hold hands as well.

Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

-Constantly? Er, no, that would be a bit much. I'd worry about his possible insecurity, and don't trust or need people stroking my ego.

Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

-As if that wasn't already obvious? What am I, a "him"?

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WhenAGirl2.mp3 (1974 KB)

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Happy Buddies Day Chain Letter

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:53:41 -0800

Subject: FW: Happy Buddies day!

-Yeah right. There is no location on the map I know of that actually has a "Happy Buddies Day!" Like the so-called "National Friendship Week" it's a sham. Something made up in a chain letter that is meant to appeal to people with big hearts who love cute ideas, but are not likely to realize the problems with chain letters so get manipulated by the heart-strings into passing them along.

-By the way, writing a little personal note at the top of this forward does not make it any less of a chain letter, or any more sincere and personal. It's still annoying.

HAPPY BUDDIES DAY!!!

-You already said that, several times. That doesn't make it any truer. See above explanation, it's still bollox.

Forward to all your friends, including me. And don't tell me you're too
Busy for this..

-I might not be too busy since I'm taking the time to vent my annoyance. I am too smart to spam all my friends with this crap and sure as heck won't send copies of it back to the person who sent it to me. Why do people fall for this rubbish? If everybody sent copies and copies back to their friends, and passed more and more of the same dreck to friends, the internet would crash. It is already sluggish enough as it is sometimes, thanks no doubt to people replicating more and more copies of this junk and forwarding it, or posting it to web sites.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,

-Well you know what? I'm not very happy right now, so I don't feel very sweet. Why? Because somebody who should've known better, passed on this stupid chain letter! So, go ahead, make me sweet and happy by kicking the forwarding habit already!

Trials keep You Strong,

-I guess I'm strong then. The latest trial being resisting the urge to yell at whoever is directly responsible for causing my computer monitor threaten to melt, and my eyes and ears to bleed from exposure to this dumb chain letter and the embarrassing fact somebody I knew actually fell for it!

Sorrows keep You Human,

-And one of the sorrows of seeing their friends get willingly duped into passing on forwards, causes some very real human feelings of disappointment.

Failures keep You Humble,

-Consider yourself humbled then. You failed to make my day with this chain letter.

Success keeps You Glowing,

-And has absolutely nothing to do with chain letters.

But Only God keeps You Going!

-No one needs a chain letter to tell them that.

You are so special!

-So special that I along with many other people get yet another forwarded chain letter, right.

Today is ' online buddy day '.

-No matter what you call it, "buddies day" or "online buddy day" that claim is as drippy and bogus as the "National Friendship Week" "Beautiful Woman Month" and whatever fake occasion crops up with each circulation of these malarkey forwards. You could get this chain letter in December, then again in March, then again in July. These so-called special days are nothing but chain letter claptrap designed to make you send and post more copies of them all over the net.

Send this to your online friends - even me , if I'm one of them!

-As I've said before, I refuse. I've already said why I refuse.

Of course you are!

-If that's true, show me you are really a friend, and stop sending and posting these sappy forwards and all others, anywhere. Show your smarts and integrity. Stop passing on chain letters!

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HappyBuddiesDay.mp3 (3387 KB)

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The Simple/Real Friend Test - I Believe/I've Learned Chain Letters

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:45:38 -0800

From: somebody who needs it knocked into their head that sending chain letters is not real friendship!
To:
Subject: Fw: Real Friend Test

-Clue: Friends don't "test" each other, please stop buying into this garbage; quit passing it on and I don't mean just to me, I mean, stop sending fake friendship chains! Stop posting and sending chain letters to friends, on social networks, web forums, blogs, just stop replicating them anywhere, period! You'll make a lot of people happy!

REAL FRIEND TEST !

-If you were a "real" friend you'd know better than to send this crud!

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himse lf (and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!)

*Cut rest of fluffy "simple friend VS. true friend" sayings.*

-Please people, I've gotten this preachy "simple friend vs real/true friend" chain letter forward in my inbox from so many suckers for this sap, so many times over the years, and I'm not impressed by it!

now it's turning up like a roach infestation on social networks and people's blogs for heaven's sake!

-What's with these people sending and posting this junk repeatedly!? Do they really feel so inept as friends that they must pass this on and hope their friends will think of them as friends? Or do they really think so little of their friends that they feel their friends are in serious need of being preached at by pieces of spam telling them how to be friends!? Do they really think they are increasing the value of their blogs and social network sites by posting this junk?

-Let's scrap the pstale fluffy spam that millions of people are passing on to their mostest very truest bestest "friends" and cut to the chase.

-A simple friend
-passes on chain letters and posts them to their sites out of obligation or because they actually believe in or like them.

-A real friend
-sends you notes and posts content to the web they actually write! what a concept.

-A simple friend
Continues passing on forwards, believing they will give good luck and friendship

A real friend
-knows that chain letter forwards are no substitute for friendship.

-A simple friend
-Refuses to see the damage being done to friendship by repeatedly sending chain letter forwards.

-A real friend
Knows better than to insult their friend's character and intelligence so won't send "friendship" chain letters telling them how to be a friend.

-A simple friend
-Believes that the more copies of a friendship chain you get back determines the number of friends you have.

-A real friend
-knows better.

-A simple friend
-Believes spamming his/her contacts with chain letter forwards is true friendship.

-A real friend
-knows better.

-A simple friend
-Believes every chain letter email or post is more valuable than their own personally written notes.

-A real friend
-refuses to settle for so-called "friendship" chain letter spam and does not expect his/her friends to either.

-And while we're at it, let's tackle the "I've Learned" and "I Believe" chain letters as well. They're full of similar sayings that I've received as many times from as many people who all thought they were sending me something absolutely fantastic!

To start with, they are not from Andy Rooney.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/learned.asp

Here is a set of my own.

-I've learned
-That chain letters are destroying the art of communication on the internet and they are as impersonal as a canned voice mail message or TV commercial.

-I've learned
-That people are suckered on a massive scale by chain letters and it seems to be an addiction to them.

-I've learned
-That people are hypocrites when they send preachy forwards about what friendship is and that's the only time I ever hear from them!

-I believe
-That to get friendship you must be a friend, and to be a friend you must send your own personally written notes, not chain letters that judge your character based on how many people you spam and how many copies you get back.

-I believe
-That mentioning God in a chain letter that "tests" your friendship or tells you you'll get good luck and friends if you forward it far and wide and if you don't you're a loser with no friends and you're not a Christian and God will be ashamed of you is profane!

-I believe
-That no one should suffer the indignity of receiving chain letters that insult their intelligence, character, and make fools of the people who pass them on in the first place.

-The so-called "friend test" chain letter and others like it sometimes contain this line:

Pass this on to anyone you care a bout......if you get it back you have no beginning, no end.

-No end to the copies of the same chain mail clogging the net if everyone is idiot enough to actually follow this insane idea, and caring has absolutely nothing to do with reproducing millions of copies of the same stupid forward!

It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.

-Wrong! Chain letters are driving us apart! I've tried to tell you so many times to stop sending this stuff! you just keep on sending it, as if I need to be tested, as if you think I'm so stupid as to actually believe this chain will suddenly magically make me a better friend, as if you think it has made you a better friend - well guess what? It hasn't, doesn't, and won't! Besides, this same "circle of friends" line has also been used in other forwards of this type, such as the "friendship ball" that tells you not to "drop the ball" and "keep it rolling"

Today I pass this on to you.

-And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, you will probably continue to pass on every stupid chain letter you get, because the words "friendship" or "friend" or "God" "Prayer" "Jesus Christ" and the phrases "Pass it on!" "Send this to all your friends!" and any other variation of such, is in it somewhere!

Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you...

-No, I'm not a "simple friend" I won't do anything so sanctimonious, inconsiderate and just plain idiotic!

INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.

-Nooooooooo kidding! That's what chain letter forwards are all about! That's the only real goal of every single chain forward, to reproduce itself by the millions and clog up the internet! It is a request I will not honor!

When you are down to nothing ... God is up to something.

-Excuse me while I blow my stack! This is another thing I hate about these spams, they use and abuse God's name in order to sucker religious people into spamming all their friends with this junk!

People come into our lives for A Reason,

-Just like in the "Road Rose" chain that barged onto my monitor a month before this absurd "friendship test," right. Do you never actually read and realize how repetitive this stuff is? Yes, one chain forward borrows words and phrases from another, too! Thought you were sending or posting something spectacular? You've just replicated yet another copy of a chain letter that contains a rip off of another chain letter forward! Yes, some of us do have memories that aren't damaged by the wild rush of whatever it is that makes forwarders forward!

It's Up To Us To Decide!!

-And if you want to be a real friend and to have real friends, hopefully you will eventually "decide" to stop sending and posting "friendship" spam and all other chain letters to anyone or on the web, unless you are annoyed and want to tear them apart and express why these chain letters are the scurge of the internet. Until then, don't expect me to come over and raid your fridge the way a "real/true friend" might!

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RealFriendTest.mp3 (6719 KB)

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