The Netizen

The "I Rescued Your Dog Today" poem.

It is a tug-at-the-heart manipulation chain letter poem that isn't what it seems to be at face value.

The Dissection of the Self-Righteous, Animal Owner-Hating, Ego-Puffing Doggy Rescue - urh, uh, *COUGH!* Poem! *Choke gag cough sputter* A-HEM! The post itself is in quotes.

*Puts on IQ-o-meter to prevent it from dipping too low due to exposure to this monitor-melting, keyboard-burning, visual and auditory-exsanguinating, mind-numbing piece of crap!* Here goes!
 
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"I 'Rescued' Your Dog Today"

-Yeah Right...
 
"I Rescued Your Dog Today"

-You mean you bought a dog from the pound that was either 1. taken from some innocent person by animal welfare zealots in a raid, or 2. The animal had to be relinquished because of circumstances beyond its loving owner's control, and he or she couldn't find anyone to take the animal.

"A rescuers poem:"

-If you can call it that. That'll be the day when ego-puffing, ranting against animal owners and shedding crocodile tears for show over some fictional dog becomes real poetry.

"I rescued your Dog today...
The one you left at the pound,
The one you had for five years,
And then no longer wanted around!"

-What sort of creep, stalks an animal owner for five years, then dumps on them for taking their animal to the pound because their life changed, with the addition of someone in the home becoming acutely allergic to the dog, or they got a new landlord that would evict them in two weeks if they didn't get rid of the dog, or the owner became gravely ill and couldn't take care of the dog, and no one else wanted it?

-So, o' big-hearted so-called "rescuer" if you hung around this person for five years, why did you wait to speak up when this poor person was so desperately trying to get their animal placed? Why is it that there was not a lift of a finger or a peep from you to help them out, and even take the dog until they gave up and took it to the pound? You kept quiet, watching this animal owner's frantic struggle to keep their head above water and try to place the dog. You said and did absolutely nothing, and you lay in wait until you were sure they had given up the dog to the pound, so you could scream "You didn't want your dog! Look at me, I'm the big-hearted rescuer, saving your 5 year old dog from certain death at the pound!"

"I rescued your Dog today...
Do you know that he's lost weight?"

-Well, considering you were probably among those who were always harping at everybody to put their dogs on a diet and stem what you view as an obesity problem, should it be all that much of a surprise that somebody listened and changed their dog's diet to please you? So now you're not pleased after all, because my gosh, the owner had to take it to the pound, which must mean without an inkling of a doubt in your eyes that the owner was starving the dog before taking it to the pound.

"Do you know that he's scared and confused
And has lost all of his faith?"

-Uh, "faith?" What faith would that be, Christianity, Islam, Jewdaism, Hindewism, Bhudism, Sikhism, or paganism or atheism? The point is, this is A DOG you're talking about. Dogs don't have faith, that's a human concept. It's swellheaded, assuming jerks like you who make people lose faith, especially in their fellow human beings.

-But of course the dog is scared and confused, he's at the pound because YOU let him go there! You couldn't be bothered to help the unfortunate owner you knew for five years or more out, when he/she was looking to place the dog, remember?

"I rescued your Dog today...
He had fleas and a terrible cold,"

-Because you said nothing and offered no assistance when the dog owner was in trouble trying to place the dog. You caused that kennel cough and those animal pound fleas.

"But don't you worry yourself -
You've unburdened YOUR load."

-And you will give that unfortunate person who had to give up their dog plenty to worry about, you will spread your self-agrandizing tale of dog-heroism to anyone who will listen to you and those who are narrow-minded and idiot enough to hang on every word you say. You will do your bit to damage and condemn someone to hell for having to give up a dog. You will pack a strong enough emotional wallop, hoping to create a pack of animal rescuer-worshiping drones who will snarl, hiss, roar and bear their teeth at the mere mention of this unfortunate person you failed to help on purpose until they resorted to taking their dog to the pound.

"I rescued your Dog today...
Were you having a baby or moving away?"

-If you had known the owner and the dog for five years, you would've known their situation and done the decent thing by taking the dog at the first sign of distress from the owner at not being able to place it, and hating to part with it all at the same time. You didn't. You waited, strategically, until the dog was at the pound so you could buy it and fund the animal raid people, and then start making up terrible stories about how bad you think this owner was.

"Did he suddenly get too big?"

-After five years, I don't think so, and you just said the dog lost weight. That doesn't add up to "suddenly getting too big." You can't even keep your pathetic story straight in your attempt to muddy this innocent person into the ground for having to give up a dog!

"Or was there some other reason he couldn't stay?"

-You would have known the owner's situation, and you did. You've been watching the owner and their dog for five years, remember?

"I rescued your Dog today...
He doesn't play or eat very much."

-What do you expect in a strange environment? You're not his familiar owner.

"He's very wary and depressed right now"

-Of course he's wary. All animals are in a new environment. The dog was just as wary once before, when first in his owner's home, the one who kept him five years and then circumstances rudely intervened, circumstances which you made sure to exacerbate for the sake of your own ego.

"But, with time, will learn again to trust."

-If you are even half as good to him as his previous owner was. Hint, tear yourself away from your computer and the mirror once in a while.

"I rescued your Dog today...
And right here he will stay."

-Unless the time comes when you're in a situation where you can't care for him, and don't assume that can't happen to you. Then, who will have your back when the next "rescuer" uses this dog or some other animal you have to part with against you in their malicious stories designed to rip your character to shreds?

"He's found his forever home"

-You can't guarantee a "forever home." No one can.

"And a warm bed on which to lay."

-Just like the one at his previous owner's.

"I rescued your Dog today...
I will give him all that he could need -"

-So did the person you exploited when failing to help them place their dog until you were sure the situation had reached rock bottom.

"With patience, love, and understanding.
Hopefully, he forgets your selfish deed!"

-Hopefully, one day you will be faced with a situation beyond your control, and you will know what it's like to be unable to care for this dog. Then someone else might come along who is better suited to take him, perhaps even the previous owner's circumstances could change so he/she could get the dog back, although it is unlikely you would ever let that happen. So, for now, With fear and trembling, this dog is right to be very afraid to be in a home with you, you who show no compassion to a person you stalked for five years, you, who said nothing and did nothing until you made sure that owner had to relinquish that dog to the pound, you, who now sit on an animal "rescuer"'s throne of self-righteous judgement against all people forced to give up a dog for any reason. Thank God I am not your dog! Thank God you are not God.

"I rescued your Dog today!"

-You stalked and treated somebody you knew for at least five years like trash, and you caused terrible stress for them and their dog as a result. Give yourself a pat on the back and swell your ego some more! YOU, ARE AN ANIMAL RESCUER!