The Netizen

 



February 15, 2009

25 Random Things About Me

  
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I'm one of a very tiny minority who spotted the latest obnoxious 25 things tagging meme Facebook chain letter note for what it is and refuse to do it.
 
I've been tagged by a couple of people and have subsequently removed myself from their chain notes without even bothering to read them. I want to see real notes, not a bunch of chain letters in people's blogs and Facebook notes and don't understand why more people don't realize a hard sell:
 
"The rules are you must tag x number of friends" really = "Pass it on!" It's manipulation, and the hook in this case is the appeal of a time-waster that for some odd reason, people think is fun and interesting.
 
Blech.
 
"You've just been tagged!"
 
Oh, cool, (goes to check out note,) only to find there was not even a mention of me in it, and I was just one of 25 tag-victims for a chain letter because some friend felt obligated to make their quota and tag x number of people!
 
Gee, thanks for not really thinking of me, friend, thanks for contributing to the vast wasteland of cyber junk out there yet again, friend, and thanks for showing how well you assimulate into the chain letter-forwarding masses again and again, friend, thanks a lot! Not.
 
I will not do the 25 things 'tagg game' which really isn't a game, some people just call it that so it looks less like a chain letter, but that doesn't change what it is.
 
If you get a note that has any "rules" "suggestions" or "instructions" etc. to follow that means passing it along via the tag or the forward button, that should set off warning bells. It's a chain note and rest assured, most everybody else is unfortunately doing it or has already done it!
 
Like the Fun Space Super Wall spam, 25 things has been clogging up Facebook profiles and feeds so there is no getting away from it. Even if you don't do the chain, a look at a friend's profile will show the friend has either done it or has been tagged by other people who have.
 
If you were taken in by this meme or any other and are regretting it, deleting such viral entries from your blog will remedy the problem. In addition, it is encouraged to remove yourself from tagging by friends in all things viral.
 
You are not slighting anyone by taking a stand against memes and other forms of obligatory spam. Contrary to what some people seem to believe, it is not rude to break a meme.
 
So let's do what we can to send 25 Things back from wence it came, never to return.

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February 4, 2009

Encyclopedia Dramatica

  
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Host of episode:
"Encyclopedia Dramatica."
 
Reporter:
"The encyclopedia Dramatica is a wanna-be wiki site that claims to be about humor, and has one of the most unlikely names."
 
North American woman:
"'encyclopedia' dramatica - is anything BUT!"
 
Reporter:
"Its webmasters are insanely envious of the real encyclopedia wiki known as Wikipedia, whose administrators and supporters stood up to them in the face of abuse. Encyclopedia Dramatica has been all bent out of shape over it since."
 
Encyclopedia Dramatica on the subject of Wikipedia:
"They are fascists!"
 
Ex-member banned from ED, pointing out their hypocrisy:
"Fascists? Give me a break! I had my account for maybe 24 hours - they didn't like what I did to some of their pages.""
 
Reporter:
"She was banned from Encyclopedia Dramatica for deleting offensive content including links to some of their cherished photoshopped porn pictures. This makes the administrators at Encyclopedia Dramatica fascists by their own definition."
 
"The ban notice referred to the ban as a rape. Encyclopedia Dramatica admins joke about and refer to banning as rape, and this indicates they identify with rapists, so, appear to encourage it as well, and have no compassion or understanding toward people who have been raped."
 
"This adds more insult to injury for people who have been effected by rape directly or indirectly."
 
"A survivor of such a demeaning brutal attack has this to say."
 
Irish woman:
"There are some things that should never be encouraged or treated as a joke. Once you go through something like that, you're never the same."
 
Reporter:
A die-hard Encyclopedia Dramatica fan expresses the attitude she and the site share.
 
North American Encyclopedia Dramatica fangirl:
"Well, it's all relative, isn't it? Okay maybe getting tortured, or losing a family member was tough on them but - MY SUGGESTION to these people: get a sense of humor! Get a life! So what if they been through bad stuff? We all have! For instance, last week...The electronics store didn't have the high-def TV I wanted."
 
Australian woman:
"It's a site for trolls, spammers, hoaxters and bullies. It's all about getting laughs at the emotional expense of other people. There was even a hoax about Encyclopedia Dramatica shutting down unless the site received enough money to keep it going."
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Forum:ED_is_the_worst
 
North American woman:
"Encyclopedia Dramatica was behind that disgusting 'Megan Had It Coming blog, a sick hoax site impersonating somebody involved in cyber-bullying that lead to a suicide."
http://www.mycrimespace.com/2007/12/10/megan-had-it-coming-is-a-hoax-part-iii-hoax-confirmed/
 
Encyclopedia Dramatica trolls: "I did it for the lulz."
"I did it for the lulz. Desu desu!"
"I did it for the lulz!"
"I did it for the lulz!"
 
Australian man:
"Take the worst juvenile behavior and the most obnoxious drunken redneck speech, and you have Encyclopedia Dramatica, 4chan, ebaum, anonymous and something awful.com, all doing it for the lulz."
 
North American woman mocks Encyclopedia Dramatica's pledge of Allegiance:
"'In lulz we trust!' Have you ever heard anything so stupid?"
 
Trolls and bullies reciting some of their jibberish:
"Desu desu!"
"Fap!"
"Fap!"
"Lulz lulz lulz lulz lulz lulz!"
"Dong!"
 
North American woman:
"How cute, how cool...How intelligent, how inspiring! How original, how mature. How impressive and profound! ... Not!
 
Reporter:
"So What is lulz?"
 
British man:
"Lulz, is a corruption of LOL, the internet acronym for laughing out loud. This isn't ordinary laughing out loud like normal people do online. Lulz is viral bullying and the malevolent cackling by these idiotic internet trolls. They go out of their way to harass and provoke anyone they think they can hog-tie by the emotions, rake them over the coals, laugh at the hurt reactions they get, post these hurt responses on their stupid web sites along with more ridicule. The more reaction these self-enamoured gits can get, the more they cackle. The more they laugh and ridicule, the more emotional reactions they get, and the more they mock. And it's all done very publically with loads of cussing and faked up or stolen and ripped off pictures used in their massive hate and insult campaigns."
 
North American woman:
"They have this really - weird, stupid lingo..."
 
Trolls from Encyclopedia Dramatica and associated sites:
"Desu desu!"
"Fap fap fap"
"Butthurt butthurt!"
(censor beep)
 
British woman:
"Fapping is what they do when they look in the mirror."
 
Troll: falls all over a mirror, kissing it passionately.
 
British woman continues to explain:
"It's their term for getting turned on."
 
"Desu is a Japanese word that can mean different things depending on who's using it and how it's being used. Whether it's supposed to be cute, or the Japanese version of Nana-nana boo-boo, it looks and sounds ridiculous tacked on the end of an English phrase."
 
"Butthurt is their term for over-reacting to a real or imagined slight."
 
Reporter:
"It also explains the flaming glow of the posteriors through their clothes, from having their butts hurt as a result of getting themselves banned and blacklisted from other sites."
 
Troll:
"Butthurt butthurt butthurt butthurt!"
 
Australian woman:
"If anyone actually believed the shut-down hoax and sent money to save the site, they deserved to lose their money."
 
Effects of realization at being suckered kicking in:
Poke
STU-PID!
BONK
 
Troll fan taken in by hoax:
"BUTT HURT!"
 
Australian woman:
"Encyclopedia Dramatica needs to go."
 
Fangirl:
"They are the best site, ever!"
 
North American woman:
"They stink!"
 
North American woman:
"Yes, their behavior is disgusting."
 
Fangirl:
"They are the realest, most honest web site in the world!"
 
North American woman:
"Yank it...Banish it to the depths of cyber-hell. Let it burn..."
 
Fangirl:
"No - they should never go away...and definitely absolutely never get shut down! That would like - DESTROY the whole world, as we know it!"
 
trolls: babbling, drooling, eating noisily, passing wind, breaking things, all sorts of ill-mannered things, finishing with a tremendous show of butthurt.
 
Host of episode:
"Beware that Encyclopedia Dramatica is a troll-friendly zone, Upon entering that site, be sure to leave all intelligence and humanity at the door."

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January 14, 2009

Six Hundred Angels? No Thanks!

  
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From: a forward addict who should have learned better by now.
To: a long list of people!
Subject: FW: cool
 
-No, not cool!
 
!talk soon!Sined the forwarder's name
 
-No, that doesn't make it any less a chain letter, and if that's the best you can do for a personal note, barely a sentense attached to a stupid forward, you are really sad!
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: somebody I never heard of but was obviously a sucker for the chain and sent it to their own list of spam recipients including the sad sack who forwarded it to me.
To: their long list of people to send this junk to.
Subject: FW: cool
 
-Still not cool!
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From:
Another idiot up the chain.
To: another list of people.
Subject: FW: cool
 
-Not cool. Not cool, are you getting this?
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Another sucker up the chain.
Subject: FW: cool
 
-Listen carefully. This, is, not, cool!
 
God has seen you struggling,
 
-Struggling to keep from throwing my computer every time somebody falls for this crud!
 
Look, God doesn't do chain letters, God doesn't work through chain letters!
 
God says it's over.
 
-God has nothing to do with this chain letter, and wouldn't it be nice if it was really over? All the gullibility that is! If it was really over, no one would believe and pass on these dumb chain letters just because some cheesy sayings that mention God are in them! You know the headlight gang thing is a hoax, or you should. And you are not going to save a dying kid named Amy Bruce or Jessica Mydek or whatever the heck she or he calls themself, by passing on a forward! The kid never did and never will exist, and no internet service provider will track your forwards and give 2 cents to some charity for every stupid chain letter you spam into your friends' email or Facebook etc. No religious friendship forward will make you a better Christian or show anyone else you are a better Christian or bless you and your friends if you pass it along. It's just a big lie, and probably made up by some stupid anti-Christian twit who wanted to fool the whole internet and make everybody pass along some worthless badly written, or stolen and ripped off something they put into the chain letter to get a huge laugh at the expense of all the religious but easily manipulated people!
 
A blessing is coming your way.
 
-I have news for you, this chain letter is definitely NOT it!
 
I AM GIVING YOU 600 MILLION ANGELS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU,
 
Gosh, what does that say about your opinion of me? I'm such a total epic failure that you think I require a whole army of angels just to take care of me? Gee, thanks, pal!
 
-By the way, you're not God, so you can't really send angels and command them to take care of anybody.
 
SEND THEM TO 10 FRIENDS, INCLUDING ME
 
-No, look, you don't need 600 MILLION copies of this stupid chain letter, and I'm not going to annoy the heck out of ten of my friends with this garbage! If everybody did what this stupid thing says, it would take over and crash the whole internet!
 
AND YOU WILL HAVE GOOD NEWS IN 10 MINUTES.
 
-As if some stupid chain letter can actually blip something good within ten minutes of getting forwarded, please, get some sense!
 
PLEASE DON'T IGNORE
 
-Please stop falling for this crap!
 
YOU ARE BEING TESTED.
 
-That's for sure, and not in a good way! You have tested my patience among other things! Friends don't test friends.
 
-Friends don't send friends chain letters!
 
-By the way, angels don't live in chain letters, and they don't pass on chain letters either.
 
Be an angel. Stop sending chain letter forwards to anyone!

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December 31, 2008

New Year Calendar Birthday Chain Letter

From: somebody who should know better
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
-Yet again.
Subject: : Birthdays 2009

-As if those info collecting web site birthday calendars aren't already lame enough, this is a birthday collecting chain letter!

Live well, love much and laugh often!

-I do, and I don't need chain letters telling me to, in fact, they make me want to do anything but laugh, and don't make me feel particularly loving toward the people who insist on passing them around.

2009 Birthdays (DO NOT DELETE)

-Yes, 2009 was when I first received this chain letter, but it is sure to crop up again and again every new year. Oh, and yes, it's perfectly safe to delete this chain letter. It will not erase your memory so that you'll forget your friends' birthdays or your own for that matter. It won't give you bad luck or erase your calendar if you delete it. It won't make you and your friend have a happier birthday if you do what it says, including and most importantly, passing it along to everybody!

Let's have some fun!

-Let's get something straight, shall we? Forwarding chain letters isn't having fun. Getting chain letters isn't having fun.

See how long it gets and where this goes.

-Translation: Pass it on to absolutely as many people as you can, and make sure I get a copy back! That's right, people, that is the whole and only real goal of this thing, to be copied and spread, copied and spread all over the net, repeatedly. The birthday thing is just a hook, and sorry friend, you just got suckered by a chain letter.

This will be our big 2009 email to pass.

-And then 2010, then 2011, you get the idea, it will come again and again.

Give it a go!    364 Birthdays!

-No. I don't know a person with a birthday for each day of the year. Even if I did, I wouldn't put their names and birthdays into this stupid chain letter! Not only that, it's not like the chain letter originator or the poor sap who forwarded it to me knows the same people as me let alone somebody for every day of the calendar year. That completely discredits this chain letter for the manipulative junk it is right there. So that is that.

This is kind of cool!

-Just because a chain letter says it's kind of cool sure doesn't mean it is. In fact, it's more than kind of dumb!

Out of all of the billions of people who live in the world, there has to be somebody born on each date of the year.

-Well no kidding! But this chain letter isn't going to make you know them all!

We are going to try to accomplish the task of seeing if we can fill the calendar up with a birthday on every day of the year.

-That's already been done, by people being born every day of the year! You won't know them all by filling out and spamming people with a junk chain letter! You won't be hurt and you won't miss out on anything by not knowing them! You could get hurt by participating in this chain letter and your information gets into the wrong hands!

Add your name (NO LAST names) and your city / province (or state) next to your birth date to the list below.  Then, send this list to all your friends, plus the person who sent it to you!  Don't forget to erase the previous forwarded address before clicking "Send".

-And put your email address, location and part of your name out there in cyberspace for absolutely everybody and anybody who gets this chain letter, and by the way, requesting copies back is stupid. If everybody did that, the net would crash because of all the junk chain letters! If you want to slow the net to a slither, and risk having millions of strangers get your email address, first name, location, and birth date, which is all identity thieves and spammers need to make your life a living nightmare, then by all means, participate in this stupid chain letter and do everything it says! If you're smart, you won't do it!

Let's see if we can do it!!   Forward it, just hit the forward button then you can add your name beside the date.    If someone has already put their name in the slot for the date of your birthday, please just add your name beside it and DO NOT DELETE THAT PERSON'S NAME!!!

-Whatever. No, don't forward it, don't even fill it out. Just delete it.

Jan. 1 =

-And on it goes with the dates from the first of January to the thirty-first of December. Some names and locations were there, but whether they are for real or just inserted to look real by the chain letter originator, or actually filled out by people sucked into doing this forward, I don't know. In any case, this chain letter is a very bad idea, it's nothing but an info collector, bandwidth waster, internet clogger, it is anything but kind of big fun cool!

-When the new year comes around, how about making the best resolution of all, one that could benefit you and your friends in so many ways! Make a resolution to stop spreading chain letters!

  
(download)

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December 18, 2008

A Girl Asked A Guy

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.

She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....

You're not pretty you're beautiful.

I don’t want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.

And I wouldn’t cry if you walked away...I'd die...

-

-If the girl wasn't so insecure that she needed to swell her ego by fishing for compliments, and the guy wasn't such a half-witted head-gaming jerk, you wouldn't have bored and annoyed me with this stupid little story.

Send this to everyone on your list.......isn't that sweet?

-Yeah, sickly saccharin sweet, and I will not send it to anyone on my list, whatever list that might be.

I like you because of who you are to me.

-And that would be nothing more than one of many people you think deserve to get this phony sappy junk I suppose.

You are a true friend, if I don't get this back I'll take a hint.

-You don't even know me, and you have no idea about what a true friend is. Here's a big hint for you. True friends don't try to coerce people to send stupid chain letters back to them with threats of ending the friendship if they don't get it back. A true friend wouldn't send chain letters in the first place.

Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you.

-Actually if I had a true love, he would know he loved me. Obviously you have no idea what a true love is either. Oh, and no chain letter will bore into the head of somebody and suddenly take over their mind to make them like you at midnight.

Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4: 00pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere , yahoo, outside of school, anywhere.

-No chain letter can make anything good happen to me anywhere. It has obviously done something very bad to you already, or you wouldn't have sent it to anyone or posted it on the web as if you actually believe in it.

get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

-There's nothing shocking about this chain letter, other than the sheer idiocy of it all and that anyone would actually believe in it.

If you break this chain letter you will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten years.

-No chain letter can curse or improve any of my relationships. If there is a curse at all, it falls on the people who believe in this junk and pass it along or post it on the web. It's called the curse of gullibility. If you don't want to be cursed with a reputation of being a few bricks short of a load, don't send the chain letter to anyone or post it on the web because you actually thought it was sweet.

If you send 15ppl this in 15 min you're safe

-Wrong. Sending it to 15 people wouldn't make me safe, it would make me a moron.

You are Everything To Somebody Right now at this very minute-----------

-If that's true, somebody needs to get over me a little.

someone is very proud of you

-They ought to be. I live my life the best way I know how, and I don't spread stupid chain letters.

someone is thinking of you

-Someone is thinking this chain letter could hardly get any more generic and mushy.

someone cares about you

-That's nice, but I still won't pass this forward on.

someone misses you

-If they do, they can send me a personal note or give me a phone call, they won't show me they miss me by sending me chain letters.

someone wants to talk to you

-If that's true, they can always call me or connect with me on audio chat.

someone wants to be with you

-If that's true, they can get in touch with me, and not use a chain letter to do it.

someone hopes you aren't in trouble

-Why would someone even get such an idea?

someone is thankful for the support you have provided

-So they're welcome to get in touch and let me know, not by passing on a forward.

someone wants to hold your hand

-Right...

someone hopes everything turns out all right

-Why wouldn't it? Because I refuse to spam my friends with this chain letter? Please.

someone wants you to be happy

-So make me happy and stop believing and spreading this nonsense.

someone wants you to find them

-Sorry, I don't know anyone who is lost.

someone is celebrating your successes

-Yeah, me.

someone wants to give you a gift

-They're welcome to, but make sure it isn't a chain letter.

someone think you ARE a gift

-'Thinks'.

someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

-Yeah, me.

someone wants to hug you

-They're welcome to, as long as they're family and friends.

someone loves you

-I know.

someone wants to lavish you with small gifts

-If they do, I'll return the favor, as long as the gifts don't include chain letters.

someone admires your strength

-Yeah, now if only other people had the strength not to believe in chain letters.

someone is thinking of you and smiling

-Maybe, but not because this chain letter says so.

someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on

-Then they're welcome to be, when I need it, and not because this chain letter says so.

someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

-If they do, I'm just an email or phone call away.

someone thinks the world of you

-Yeah right.

someone wants to protect you

-That has everything to do with friends and family instinct, and not because a chain letter says so.

someone would do anything for you

-Not likely.

someone wants to be forgiven

-Of course, but sending this chain letter is not going to do it.

someone is grateful for your forgiveness

-And not because a chain letter says so.

someone wants to laugh with you about old times

-And they're welcome to.

someone remembers you and wishes you were there

-Maybe, or not. Whoever wrote this chain letter really has no idea since they don't even know me.

someone needs to know that your love is unconditional

-Anybody who knows me knows that already. I'm not going to prove my love by passing on a chain letter.

somebody values your advice

-Oh?

someone wants to tell you how much they care

-If that's true, they're welcome to, and not by sending chain letters.

someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you

-Not likely.

someone wants to share their dreams with you

-If that was true, they'd let me know, and not via chain letter.

someone wants to hold you in their arms

-Oh?

someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms

-Oh?

someone treasures your spirit

-Yeah, me.

someone wishes they could STOP time because of you

Not likely! Please, cut the over-the-top fake flattery, it's really beyond pathetic.

someone can't wait to see you

-Says who?

someone wishes that things didn't have to change

-Yeah, me sometimes. There are things I wish would change, starting with every chain letter dying out.

someone loves you for who you are

-I know.

someone loves the way you make them feel

-I'm not aware how I make others feel unless they tell me, and no, this forward doesn't do it.

someone wants to be with you

-Didn't you say that already?

someone hears a song that reminds them of you

-That is possible at some point in time.

someone wants you to know they are there for you

-Didn't you cover that in the "Someone cares about you" statement somewhere above?

someone is glad that you're their friend

-Good, they can show that by writing me personal notes, arranging to get together with me, etc.

someone wants to be your friend

-Yeah, funny how that sometimes happens.

someone stayed up all night thinking about you

-I'm pretty sure no one has done that recently. At least, I sure hope not!

someone is alive because of you

-Yeah, me.

someone is wishing that you would notice them

-Right, well, all they'd have to do is get in touch.

someone wants to get to know you better

-And who would that be?

someone believes that you are their soul mate

-Usually when people get that stuck on you, it's probably a good idea to stand up and run. I don't believe in that soul mate stuff anyway.

someone wants to be near you

-If that's true, they can get in touch and arrange to get together.

someone misses your guidance and advice

-Har har har!

someone values your guidance and advice

-You know, you could have put "misses" and "values" in the same sentense. But again, har har har.

someone has faith in you

-Sure, but not because a chain letter says so.

someone trusts you

-Well, I haven't given anyone reason not to lately.

someone needs you to send them this letter

-And that's what this whole phony butter-up build up was really all about. You see, I understand how chain letters work. I'm not impressed by any emotional angle they use, including this huge load.

So, here's a few "Someone" sayings for you, the chain letter originator, and anyone who actually believes it.

-Someone thinks you're a manipulative twit.

-Someone thinks your nose has grown so long that it has wrapped itself around everyone who falls for this phony gunk.

-Someone thinks you're an idiot.

-Someone thinks you're annoying.

-Someone thinks you're inconsiderate.

-Someone wants to take away your computer because you spread and post chain letters like this.

-Someone is embarrassed and ashamed of you for passing on this chain and thinking it makes a friendship.

-Someone thinks if you valued and missed them and anything they say at all, you wouldn't originate and spread chain letters.

-Someone cares about you enough to discourage you from making a jerk of yourself by passing on chain letters.

-Someone is self-assured enough not to take any generic feel-good sayings in a sappy chain letter to heart or at face value.

-Someone will not believe and pass on this chain letter.

-Someone will rip it apart and expose it for the junk it is, since it seems necessary to do so.

someone needs your support

-You already said that.

someone needs you to have faith in them

-Someone needs to stop spreading chain letters, then the faith will come.

someone needs you to let them be your friend

-You already said that.

someone will cry when they read this

-Sadly, that's probably true enough, and the ones overcome with emotion so that they cry are easily manipulated into passing the junk along. There's another reason one might cry, from laughter, but honestly, this chain letter is just too pathetic and hokey to even be funny.

SEND THIS ON TO SOMEONE SPECIAL

-No, and stop with the caplock. I don't treat anyone this way, let alone someone special. I don't spam my special friends or anyone else.

send this to 0-1 people, your life will -not- be short and terrible

-since no chain letter on a computer screen, by postal mail or any other medium can actually do anything to your life either way.

1-5 people you will -not- meet someone special

5-10 people you will -not- meet your soul mate

10-15 people you will -not be happy

-because of the chain letter.

15-20 people you will -not marry and be happy

-because you forwarded a bullshart message.

20 or more you will -not marry that one special person in your life.

-Because no chain letter will blip a spouse into  existence for you whether you forward it to a gazillion people or not. And what about the people who are already married? If the stupid chain letter actually worked as claimed, the unfortunate person who received it would have to decide which spouse was their one and only true soul mate! And then there are those who aren't even looking for a relationship, marriage or otherwise. What does this chain letter offer for them in its bogus claims? Two choices, forward it to tons of people and get a spouse you don't want, or refuse to forward and get cursed with a short terrible life, with the doofus who sent you the chain in the first place getting mad and sulky, disowning you as a friend because you didn't send them a copy back. For those who are easily moved by seemingly warm fuzzy "You are so special!" sayings, do not believe any that come in chain letters. They have been sent not only to you, but to everybody on the contact list of the idiot who sent you a copy,
-and that is not the only branch of the chain letter. This is why you will see it cropping up in various forms, all over the net. That's right, it is a viral ego-swelling infomercial, a canned message. And what it's selling is the idea that you must pass it along to as many people as possible, that is it. It's just using the angle "You are so special and so cared about!" stuff to reel you in for the hard "Pass it on!" sell. The price you pay for passing it along? Your reputation gets tarnished, and you'll annoy somebody, who probably won't want to say anything and hurt your feelings, so they'll keep quiet, and you'll probably go on sending junk like this without actually knowing how it is vexing at least some of your contacts.

-Armed with this enlightenment, you too can kick the chain letter habit without any guilt or fear of losing your friends or your life!

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December 18, 2008

Miss you

Be honest, if u really like someone right now, and miss them right at this moment, and can't get them out of your head, then re-post this titled "if you miss someone, read this", within one minute, and whoever you are missing, will surprise you tomorrow
 
-Nonsense. This chain letter is not going to magically make anybody surprise me. They might seriously annoy and disappoint me if they forward a chain letter. If I miss someone as much as you describe, I'm not going to repost a sappy chain letter. I'll contact them instead with a personally written note or phone call.
 
When I miss you, sometimes I listen to music or look at pictures of you, not to remind me of you but to make me feel as if I'm with you. It makes me forget the distance and capture you.
-- James
 
-That's nice, James, but it's also a way of reminding you of whoever you miss.
 
You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind... I Miss You!
-- Anonymous
 
-Anonymous, you scare me. I don't even know you.
 
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.-- Albert Camus
 
-That wasn't Albert Camus, it was George Sand and you even misquoted her.
 
-It isn't
 
"Just walk beside me and be my friend."
 
-It goes like this.
 
"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." - George Sand.
 
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
~ Helen Keller
 
-It's doubtful that came from Helen Keller, who never even knew light. I haven't found anything yet to prove or disprove if she wrote or said this, but will remain skeptical until I get proof one way or another.
 
-Chain letters often toss around supposedly inspirational quotes, and falsely attribute them to famous people so you'll get duped into believing you are passing on something really special!
 
Angels exist but sometimes they don't have wings. We call them FRIENDS.
 
-That is so cheesy, in a stinky not a yummy way. Typical mush you see in chain letter forwards.

  
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December 12, 2008

"I 'Rescued' Your Dog Today" Yeah, right...

The "I Rescued Your Dog Today" poem.

It is a tug-at-the-heart manipulation chain letter poem that isn't what it seems to be at face value.

The Dissection of the Self-Righteous, Animal Owner-Hating, Ego-Puffing Doggy Rescue - urh, uh, *COUGH!* Poem! *Choke gag cough sputter* A-HEM! The post itself is in quotes.

*Puts on IQ-o-meter to prevent it from dipping too low due to exposure to this monitor-melting, keyboard-burning, visual and auditory-exsanguinating, mind-numbing piece of crap!* Here goes!
 
* * *
 

"I 'Rescued' Your Dog Today"

-Yeah Right...
 
"I Rescued Your Dog Today"

-You mean you bought a dog from the pound that was either 1. taken from some innocent person by animal welfare zealots in a raid, or 2. The animal had to be relinquished because of circumstances beyond its loving owner's control, and he or she couldn't find anyone to take the animal.

"A rescuers poem:"

-If you can call it that. That'll be the day when ego-puffing, ranting against animal owners and shedding crocodile tears for show over some fictional dog becomes real poetry.

"I rescued your Dog today...
The one you left at the pound,
The one you had for five years,
And then no longer wanted around!"

-What sort of creep, stalks an animal owner for five years, then dumps on them for taking their animal to the pound because their life changed, with the addition of someone in the home becoming acutely allergic to the dog, or they got a new landlord that would evict them in two weeks if they didn't get rid of the dog, or the owner became gravely ill and couldn't take care of the dog, and no one else wanted it?

-So, o' big-hearted so-called "rescuer" if you hung around this person for five years, why did you wait to speak up when this poor person was so desperately trying to get their animal placed? Why is it that there was not a lift of a finger or a peep from you to help them out, and even take the dog until they gave up and took it to the pound? You kept quiet, watching this animal owner's frantic struggle to keep their head above water and try to place the dog. You said and did absolutely nothing, and you lay in wait until you were sure they had given up the dog to the pound, so you could scream "You didn't want your dog! Look at me, I'm the big-hearted rescuer, saving your 5 year old dog from certain death at the pound!"

"I rescued your Dog today...
Do you know that he's lost weight?"

-Well, considering you were probably among those who were always harping at everybody to put their dogs on a diet and stem what you view as an obesity problem, should it be all that much of a surprise that somebody listened and changed their dog's diet to please you? So now you're not pleased after all, because my gosh, the owner had to take it to the pound, which must mean without an inkling of a doubt in your eyes that the owner was starving the dog before taking it to the pound.

"Do you know that he's scared and confused
And has lost all of his faith?"

-Uh, "faith?" What faith would that be, Christianity, Islam, Jewdaism, Hindewism, Bhudism, Sikhism, or paganism or atheism? The point is, this is A DOG you're talking about. Dogs don't have faith, that's a human concept. It's swellheaded, assuming jerks like you who make people lose faith, especially in their fellow human beings.

-But of course the dog is scared and confused, he's at the pound because YOU let him go there! You couldn't be bothered to help the unfortunate owner you knew for five years or more out, when he/she was looking to place the dog, remember?

"I rescued your Dog today...
He had fleas and a terrible cold,"

-Because you said nothing and offered no assistance when the dog owner was in trouble trying to place the dog. You caused that kennel cough and those animal pound fleas.

"But don't you worry yourself -
You've unburdened YOUR load."

-And you will give that unfortunate person who had to give up their dog plenty to worry about, you will spread your self-agrandizing tale of dog-heroism to anyone who will listen to you and those who are narrow-minded and idiot enough to hang on every word you say. You will do your bit to damage and condemn someone to hell for having to give up a dog. You will pack a strong enough emotional wallop, hoping to create a pack of animal rescuer-worshiping drones who will snarl, hiss, roar and bear their teeth at the mere mention of this unfortunate person you failed to help on purpose until they resorted to taking their dog to the pound.

"I rescued your Dog today...
Were you having a baby or moving away?"

-If you had known the owner and the dog for five years, you would've known their situation and done the decent thing by taking the dog at the first sign of distress from the owner at not being able to place it, and hating to part with it all at the same time. You didn't. You waited, strategically, until the dog was at the pound so you could buy it and fund the animal raid people, and then start making up terrible stories about how bad you think this owner was.

"Did he suddenly get too big?"

-After five years, I don't think so, and you just said the dog lost weight. That doesn't add up to "suddenly getting too big." You can't even keep your pathetic story straight in your attempt to muddy this innocent person into the ground for having to give up a dog!

"Or was there some other reason he couldn't stay?"

-You would have known the owner's situation, and you did. You've been watching the owner and their dog for five years, remember?

"I rescued your Dog today...
He doesn't play or eat very much."

-What do you expect in a strange environment? You're not his familiar owner.

"He's very wary and depressed right now"

-Of course he's wary. All animals are in a new environment. The dog was just as wary once before, when first in his owner's home, the one who kept him five years and then circumstances rudely intervened, circumstances which you made sure to exacerbate for the sake of your own ego.

"But, with time, will learn again to trust."

-If you are even half as good to him as his previous owner was. Hint, tear yourself away from your computer and the mirror once in a while.

"I rescued your Dog today...
And right here he will stay."

-Unless the time comes when you're in a situation where you can't care for him, and don't assume that can't happen to you. Then, who will have your back when the next "rescuer" uses this dog or some other animal you have to part with against you in their malicious stories designed to rip your character to shreds?

"He's found his forever home"

-You can't guarantee a "forever home." No one can.

"And a warm bed on which to lay."

-Just like the one at his previous owner's.

"I rescued your Dog today...
I will give him all that he could need -"

-So did the person you exploited when failing to help them place their dog until you were sure the situation had reached rock bottom.

"With patience, love, and understanding.
Hopefully, he forgets your selfish deed!"

-Hopefully, one day you will be faced with a situation beyond your control, and you will know what it's like to be unable to care for this dog. Then someone else might come along who is better suited to take him, perhaps even the previous owner's circumstances could change so he/she could get the dog back, although it is unlikely you would ever let that happen. So, for now, With fear and trembling, this dog is right to be very afraid to be in a home with you, you who show no compassion to a person you stalked for five years, you, who said nothing and did nothing until you made sure that owner had to relinquish that dog to the pound, you, who now sit on an animal "rescuer"'s throne of self-righteous judgement against all people forced to give up a dog for any reason. Thank God I am not your dog! Thank God you are not God.

"I rescued your Dog today!"

-You stalked and treated somebody you knew for at least five years like trash, and you caused terrible stress for them and their dog as a result. Give yourself a pat on the back and swell your ego some more! YOU, ARE AN ANIMAL RESCUER!

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December 3, 2008

When A Girl Part 2

If I hadn't already posted the debunk of the longer version of the "When a Girl or Guy Calls You" chain letter complete with background music,
http://netizen.posterous.com/mangled-messages-from-muddled
 
I would remake the project and include this bit.
 
So, here is part two of "When a Girl."
 
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games
 
-or
 
When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.
 
-More likely she's just seen you do something outragious.
 
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
 
-Er, no! If that's the case, guys, get out, quick! Seriously, I'm not that self-centered. If I want to see someone every day, it means I genuinely like them and do not wish to be pampered.
 
When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.
 
-While that would be true in my case, it sadly isn't true with at least some girls that just manipulate people's emotions to get what they want.
 
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person...
 
-You don't have to spend it with anyone if you don't want to.
 
Find a guy... who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
 
-No, because as I've said before, 'beautiful' is just a more PC way of saying 'hot if the guy just wants to get with you, unless you are already in a secure relationship with a guy who loves you.
 
who calls you back when you hang up on him.
 
-No thanks. What if that guy is a stalker?
 
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.
 
-Unless you're not looking for a relationship.
 
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
 
-In other words, a guy who likes you the way you are, fine, if you want a relationship.
 
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
 
-That's up to personal preference, maybe you might or might not be the type to hold hands as well.
 
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
 
-Constantly? Er, no, that would be a bit much. I'd worry about his possible insecurity, and don't trust or need people stroking my ego.
 
Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '
 
-As if that wasn't already obvious? What am I, a "him"?

  
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December 3, 2008

Happy Buddies Day Chain Letter

Subject: FW: Happy Buddies day!
 
-Yeah right. There is no location on the map I know of that actually has a "Happy Buddies Day!" Like the so-called "National Friendship Week" it's a sham. Something made up in a chain letter that is meant to appeal to people with big hearts who love cute ideas, but are not likely to realize the problems with chain letters so get manipulated by the heart-strings into passing them along.
 
-By the way, writing a little personal note at the top of this forward does not make it any less of a chain letter, or any more sincere and personal. It's still annoying.
 
HAPPY BUDDIES DAY!!!
 
HAPPY BUDDIES DAY!!!
 
-You already said that, several times. That doesn't make it any truer. See above explanation, it's still bollox.
 
Forward to all your friends, including me. And don't tell me you're too
Busy for this..
 
-I might not be too busy since I'm taking the time to vent my annoyance. I am too smart to spam all my friends with this crap and sure as heck won't send copies of it back to the person who sent it to me. Why do people fall for this rubbish? If everybody sent copies and copies back to their friends, and passed more and more of the same dreck to friends, the internet would crash. It is already sluggish enough as it is sometimes, thanks no doubt to people replicating more and more copies of this junk and forwarding it, or posting it to web sites.
 
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
 
-Well you know what? I'm not very happy right now, so I don't feel very sweet. Why? Because somebody who should've known better, passed on this stupid chain letter! So, go ahead, make me sweet and happy by kicking the forwarding habit already!
 
Trials keep You Strong,
 
-I guess I'm strong then. The latest trial being resisting the urge to yell at whoever is directly responsible for causing my computer monitor threaten to melt, and my eyes and ears to bleed from exposure to this dumb chain letter and the embarrassing fact somebody I knew actually fell for it!
 
Sorrows keep You Human,
 
-And one of the sorrows of seeing their friends get willingly duped into passing on forwards, causes some very real human feelings of disappointment.
 
Failures keep You Humble,
 
-Consider yourself humbled then. You failed to make my day with this chain letter.
 
Success keeps You Glowing,
 
-And has absolutely nothing to do with chain letters.
 
But Only God keeps You Going!
 
-No one needs a chain letter to tell them that.
 
You are so special!
 
-So special that I along with many other people get yet another forwarded chain letter, right.
 
Today is ' online buddy day '.
 
-No matter what you call it, "buddies day" or "online buddy day" that claim is as drippy and bogus as the "National Friendship Week" "Beautiful Woman Month" and whatever fake occasion crops up with each circulation of these malarkey forwards. You could get this chain letter in December, then again in March, then again in July. These so-called special days are nothing but chain letter claptrap designed to make you send and post more copies of them all over the net.
 
Send this to your online friends - even me , if I'm one of them!
 
-As I've said before, I refuse. I've already said why I refuse.
 
Of course you are!
 
-If that's true, show me you are really a friend, and stop sending and posting these sappy forwards and all others, anywhere. Show your smarts and integrity. Stop passing on chain letters!

  
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December 3, 2008

The Simple/Real Friend Test - I Believe/I've Learned Chain Letters

From: somebody who needs it knocked into their head that sending chain letters is not real friendship!
To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:;>
Subject: Fw: Real Friend Test
 
-Clue: Friends don't "test" each other, please stop buying into this garbage; quit passing it on and I don't mean just to me, I mean, stop sending fake friendship chains! Stop posting and sending chain letters to friends, on social networks, web forums, blogs, just stop replicating them anywhere, period! You'll make a lot of people happy!
 
  REAL FRIEND TEST !
  
-If you were a "real" friend you'd know better than to send this crud!
 
  A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himse lf (and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!)
 
*Cut rest of fluffy "simple friend VS. true friend" sayings.*
 
-Please people, I've gotten this preachy "simple friend vs real/true friend" chain letter forward in my inbox from so many suckers for this sap, so many times over the years, and I'm not impressed by it!
 
now it's turning up like a roach infestation on social networks and people's blogs for heaven's sake!
 
-What's with these people sending and posting this junk repeatedly!? Do they really feel so inept as friends that they must pass this on and hope their friends will think of them as friends? Or do they really think so little of their friends that they feel their friends are in serious need of being preached at by pieces of spam telling them how to be friends!? Do they really think they are increasing the value of their blogs and social network sites by posting this junk?
 
-Let's scrap the pstale fluffy spam that millions of people are passing on to their mostest very truest bestest "friends" and cut to the chase.
 
-A simple friend
-passes on chain letters and posts them to their sites out of obligation or because they actually believe in or like them.
 
-A real friend
-sends you notes and posts content to the web they actually write! what a concept.
 
-A simple friend
Continues passing on forwards, believing they will give good luck and friendship
 
A real friend
-knows that chain letter forwards are no substitute for friendship.
 
-A simple friend
-Refuses to see the damage being done to friendship by repeatedly sending chain letter forwards.
 
-A real friend
Knows better than to insult their friend's character and intelligence so won't send "friendship" chain letters telling them how to be a friend.
 
-A simple friend
-Believes that the more copies of a friendship chain you get back determines the number of friends you have.
 
-A real friend
-knows better.
 
-A simple friend
-Believes spamming his/her contacts with chain letter forwards is true friendship.
 
-A real friend
-knows better.
 
-A simple friend
-Believes every chain letter email or post is more valuable than their own personally written notes.
 
-A real friend
-refuses to settle for so-called "friendship" chain letter spam and does not expect his/her friends to either.
 
-And while we're at it, let's tackle the "I've Learned" and "I Believe" chain letters as well. They're full of similar sayings that I've received as many times from as many people who all thought they were sending me something absolutely fantastic!
 
To start with, they are not from Andy Rooney.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/learned.asp
 
Here is a set of my own.
 
-I've learned
-That chain letters are destroying the art of communication on the internet and they are as impersonal as a canned voice mail message or TV commercial.
 
-I've learned
-That people are suckered on a massive scale by chain letters and it seems to be an addiction to them.
 
-I've learned
-That people are hypocrites when they send preachy forwards about what friendship is and that's the only time I ever hear from them!
 
-I believe
-That to get friendship you must be a friend, and to be a friend you must send your own personally written notes, not chain letters that judge your character based on how many people you spam and how many copies you get back.
 
-I believe
-That mentioning God in a chain letter that "tests" your friendship or tells you you'll get good luck and friends if you forward it far and wide and if you don't you're a loser with no friends and you're not a Christian and God will be ashamed of you is profane!
 
-I believe
-That no one should suffer the indignity of receiving chain letters that insult their intelligence, character, and make fools of the people who pass them on in the first place.
 
-The so-called "friend test" chain letter and others like it sometimes contain this line:
 
Pass this on to anyone you care a bout......if you get it back you have no beginning, no end.
 
-No end to the copies of the same chain mail clogging the net if everyone is idiot enough to actually follow this insane idea, and caring has absolutely nothing to do with reproducing millions of copies of the same stupid forward!
 
It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
 
-Wrong! Chain letters are driving us apart! I've tried to tell you so many times to stop sending this stuff! you just keep on sending it, as if I need to be tested, as if you think I'm so stupid as to actually believe this chain will suddenly magically make me a better friend, as if you think it has made you a better friend - well guess what? It hasn't, doesn't, and won't! Besides, this same "circle of friends" line has also been used in other forwards of this type, such as the "friendship ball" that tells you not to "drop the ball" and "keep it rolling"
  
Today I pass this on to you.
 
-And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, you will probably continue to pass on every stupid chain letter you get, because the words "friendship" or "friend" or "God" "Prayer" "Jesus Christ" and the phrases "Pass it on!" "Send this to all your friends!" and any other variation of such, is in it somewhere!
 
Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you...
 
-No, I'm not a "simple friend" I won't do anything so sanctimonious, inconsiderate and just plain idiotic!
 
INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.
 
-Nooooooooo kidding! That's what chain letter forwards are all about! That's the only real goal of every single chain forward, to reproduce itself by the millions and clog up the internet! It is a request I will not honor!
 
When you are down to nothing ... God is up to something.
 
-Excuse me while I blow my stack! This is another thing I hate about these spams, they use and abuse God's name in order to sucker religious people into spamming all their friends with this junk!  
 
People come into our lives for A Reason,
 
-Just like in the "Road Rose" chain that barged onto my monitor a month before this absurd "friendship test," right. Do you never actually read and realize how repetitive this stuff is? Yes, one chain forward borrows words and phrases from another, too! Thought you were sending  or posting something spectacular? You've just replicated yet another copy of a chain letter that contains a rip off of another chain letter forward! Yes, some of us do have memories that aren't damaged by the wild rush of whatever it is that makes forwarders forward!
 
It's Up To Us To Decide!!
 
-And if you want to be a real friend and to have real friends, hopefully you will eventually "decide" to stop sending and posting "friendship" spam and all other chain letters to anyone or on the web, unless you are annoyed and want to tear them apart and express why these chain letters are the scurge of the internet. Until then, don't expect me to come over and raid your fridge the way a "real/true friend" might!

  
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